Sunday 25 March 2018

Nerd Church - Pressure, Obligations, and 'Good Enough'

Sometimes, you need to accept things for what they are.

artistic-y pic of girl in washed out colours with large, vibrant butterflies around her

Not always! No way! Sometimes what you need is to dig your heels in and kick and scream.

But there are many situations where we simply have to accept things and move on.

I'm terrible at this.

I want to solve everyone's problems - especially those of the people closest to me.

My mam has taken to turning to me when I'm stressing out about not being able to help my grandparents out more, and saying, very firmly:

'Your. Job. Is. To. LOVE. Them. Anything more that you do for them is just you being wonderful.'

Of course, it's not as simple as all that. But it's an excellent reminder.

Because I do a whole lot for them - as do my parents.

And I get so caught up in what I feel like I SHOULD be doing, that I forget what I HAVE been doing.

It was the same when my mother had cancer - I focussed so much on what I COULDN'T do, that I didn't understand that what I WAS doing was incredible.

It still feels a little indulgent to admit that.

But I have to keep reminding myself that it's true - what I did for my mam, what I'm still doing for my grandparents, what millions of carers do every single day, was, and is, incredible.

I think we do that a lot in our lives, don't we? Ignore our achievements? Whether it be in school, work, family, whatever?

We put pressure on ourselves to go above and beyond, and forget about what we've already achieved, and are still achieving.

Sometimes, you gotta look after yourself first.

You gotta understand your limitations - and yes, by all means, push those boundaries, but remember that if you have honestly hit your limits, that's ok.

Alex, Modern Family, 'I mean, once you start overachieving, people expect things from you' gif

You hear that? IT'S OK TO HIT YOUR LIMITS!!!!

We're human. We have limits. End of.

Like I said, feel free to push the boundaries a little, but be sensible about it - don't hurt yourself, and try again another day if need be.

Sometimes you need to stop and take stock.

What's the sensible thing here - rest, or fight on?

Put it in perspective.

Of course, responsibility and obligation are things that connect as human beings. And that's wonderful.

Obligations aren't always a bad thing - these things are rarely so black-and-white.

And lots of responsibilities come from a place of empathy and compassion - which is simply beautiful, and shouldn't be denied.

I guess, what I'm saying, is that you ARE 'good enough.'

There's no magical template for what we 'should' do in life - and pretending there is is just going to hurt us.

As long as you're trying, then you're doing amazingly.

As long as you're being honest with yourself then you'll know whether you've given what you can, or whether you were being a bit half-a*sed.

(Not that there's anything wrong with being half-a*sed occasionally if that's all that's needed - why polish the silverware when all you needed was a clean spoon, after all?)

If you're not being honest with yourself? You'll know, deep down.

Of course, all this sounds very simple. And life rarely is.

As I mentioned, I'm especially bad at accepting what I can and can't do, at recognising my own achievements, and at generally over-working.

But I'm trying to balance things out a little more - and that's what counts, right? 😉

Well, dearest nerdlets, is this something that you struggle with? Do you get what I'm saying?

Nerd Church is taking a break next week, and will be back on 8th April. :)

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  1. These are great words that I actually really needed right now! One of my closest family members is really sick right now and was getting better but has just hit another hurdle. I can’t go visit her because she’s in isolation so I just feel like there’s nothing I can do but sit and think about her. But yesterday my sister and I just decided to send her a text, whether she replied or not, just for her to know that we’re here for her even though we cannot see her. It made us both feel better and goes to show that no matter how small it may seem, a simple gesture can make all the difference.

    1. It's def. the little things!

      *hugs* Sorry to hear that Em, hope she gets better soon.

      What you can manage to do is what you can manage to do - and that's awesome. <3

  2. It can be really difficult to know where your limits are, and when it is a good time to push and when you just need to take a break and realise all that you have achieved and be satisfied with it. This was such a good post because I know that sometimes I get caught up in all that and don't know where and when I need a break, and where and when to keep going. It was good to read this, so thank you for this post!

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  3. I can relate to this so much. I always feel guilty about not doing enough, giving enough, being enough. It's easy to focus on the negatives and overlook all that we do for people. This is a good reminder that we are all trying our best and we need to look after ourselves too.

    1. 'All you sinners stand up sing Hallelujah!' - Lol, sorry, Panic! at the Disco playing in my head when I read your comment ;)

      Thanks very much - and oh so true! XD

  4. From what I know of you, you seem like an amazingly supportive person, and I can only imagine how much you must do for your family <3

    It took a while, but since getting my chronic illness, I've learned more and more that I can't make everyone happy. I can't see them as much as they'd like, I can't always help, etc. I feel like I'm constantly disappointing people. But I've learned that I have to put my health first and not push myself too hard too often and just do the best I can to show people I care.

    1. Well, thanks! *blushes* <3

      So true! I'm always telling other people this, but I tend to forget to do it myself! (Oops! Lol.)

  5. You are a great person so I'm sure your mom is right [ha! and don't say I sound like a mom again LOL] oh another awesome post! I always feel I leave a better person after I visit your blog :)

  6. What a great reminder to take a moment to focus on what we have accomplished. I think that it is natural to focus on what we would like to improve but we tend to overlook all of the things that we did well. Great post!

  7. I think you're right about the fact that a lot of us never value our achievements, only when we don't manage to achieve or deal with things. That way, you're always 'in debt' about your tasks. I've always been one of those people who don't recognize their achievements but always stress about what they've gotta do. It's not really a mindset that works :/ although I guess your achievements go through the roof because of all of the compensating... It's so hard to let go though.

    1. I know, right? I think sometimes we need to stop and say, 'Y'know what? I'm doing pretty good!' :)

  8. I'm glad that you were able to take a step back and realize that you are doing everything you can. I agree that sometimes it's too easy to focus on our failures and doubt ourselves.

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction


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