Nerd Church - Caffeinated Current Events: Explaining the Headlines

(Warning: this post discusses Covid 19/Coronavirus, the backlash against Black Lives Matter, and general Nazis. Because 2020.)

If you don't know, Caffeinated Current Events (CCE) is where I explain various stuff in the news whilst under the influence of caffeinated beverages.

I haven't actually written a CCE post in a while because... 2020. But I felt like now was the right time to do so because... 2020.

Disclaimer Time: This post is primarily a satirical and snarky look at the news, intended for entertainmaint and comedy purposes. As such, hyperbole is likely. You've been warned - don't sue.

This time, I thought I'd take some real-life headlines and explain them with my own cynically optimistic and optimistically cynical caffeine-hyped frame of mind.

I'll link to the article each headline comes from so that you can see what the 'professional' news reporting is like!

Nerd Church - Caffeinated Current Events: What Even Is 2019?

Caffeinated Current Events! Where I drink too much coffee and talk about the stuff going on in the world! That means Trump & Brexit, so this is your fair warning! 

(It'll be as told by me, though, so hopefully bearable!)



Phew! 2019, couldn't you've gone just a little bit easier on us?! 

Crud, after 2016, we've just had one thing after another! Cut us some goddamn slack!

...The US is currently being led by a man who, (and I never thought I'd say this,) has less integrity than Nixon.

How is that even possible...? Does anyone know...?

Nixon actually resigned when he got his hand caught in the sleazebag cookie jar - Trump's just flat-out lying and refusing to budge.

...And I don't think even Nixon would've got away with colluding with Russia and bribing Ukraine.

And somehow people still believe he's innocent and that there's some sort of 'conspiracy' against him - newsflash: if there's a conspiracy, it's for him, not against him #JustSaying.

Nerd Church - Caffeinated Current Events: We're Really F**ked (Like, More Than We Were Before)

I'm full of coffee, so let's try to figure out the state of the UK, shall we?

I don't know if you've been paying attention to UK politics lately, but it basically goes a little something like this:

Our Prime Minister is somehow Boris Johnson. 

Because we apparently haven't suffered enough yet.

Nerd Church - Caffeinated Current Events: Dear Lord, the Breakfast (Brexit)

I swear to God. I swear to Iesu Grist. Wtf parliament dudes?! Wtf?!

Breakfast (or, as some people call it, Brexit,) isn't going too well, so I'm hear to explain in a caffeine-fuelled, (hopefully) satirical fashion!

(Note: these are my opinions, you can totally disagree with me, I don't mind.)

Yep, this is another 'Caffeinated Current Events' post - 'cos you lot seemed to like the last one.

(It's a little like Drunk History - only sober and present-day, so... not.)

Nerd Church - Caffeinated Current Events: A Glossary

I'm full of coffee and political opinions!

Let's talk about some of the words and phrases we're using in 2018!

Disclaimer: This is satire, or trying to be anyhow, so that's why it sounds like I'm taking things lightly!

Also, I do talk about Brett Kavanaugh, so, heads up.