Warning: brief references to Depression and Anxiety
A lot of the time, when I write, it's not so much a choice as an exorcism.
(Metaphorically, ofc 😅 )
Don't get me wrong - I love writing.
But sometimes it's the case that, if I don't do it, these words are gonna rattle around my head and drive me to distraction.
Not necessarily in a bad way. It's just... they gotta come out, y'know?
Yes, I've been at this, right here on Dora Reads -
(or it's previous name of 'Diary of a Reading Addict' aka DORA - and I do not miss typing the full thing out all the time 😅)
- for a full NINE FREAKING YEARS!
I recently took up spinning my own yarn from wool - because apparently I wasn't doing enough weird old-timey crafts for my brain's liking.
So, yeah, in addition to my previous heritage (i.e. ye olde timey,) crafts - knitting, weaving, embroidery, and cross-stitch - I now also spin wool fibre into yarn.
...Honestly sometimes my brain just, entirely out-of-the-blue, is like, 'we should learn how to abseil while painting stained glass windows!'* and I'm just like, 'yeah, sure, why not?'
(I do some non-heritage crafts too. Because I am like this, apparently. 😅)
*Don't panic, it hasn't actually suggested doing that. Yet.
Anyhow, it got me to thinking - we don't know enough about how stuff gets made, about where stuff comes from.
We in the modern world - especially in the West and the global North - have become so far removed from the means and methods of production that we can't even fathom it any more.
(Can you tell I was raised by South Wales Valleys (i.e. Socialist,) working-class hippies? Yeah? Great. 😅)
September.
(Yes, I know we're halfway through October - I have a lot of metaphorical plates spinning, and sometimes I drop one 😅 )
Iesu Effing Grist, September.
Well, it wasn't the worst month of this year - by a long shot. But it, uh... it crammed a whole lot of stuff in there.
...I am very, very, tired.
Warning: brief mentions of mental health problems
August.
...August actually wasn't that bad.
Which is freaking awesome as far as I'm concerned!
(In case you don't know: my 2023 has sucked.)
I mean, my mental health hasn't been brilliant - but so much better than in July - and I had a migraine which is really not fun.
But honestly given what this year has been like, and that my migraines are linked to changes in stress levels, it's really not surprising.
Warning: this post briefly discusses Depression
July. Ugh.
Well... let's look at the positives.
Once again, nobody in my life - either human or animal - died, almost died, or had a life-changing diagnosis.
Which is a low bar for a win, but that's the bar that I have - so it's a win.
Warning: Vague discussions of mental health issues
Disclaimer Time: I am not any sort of psychological, medical, or healthcare professional. I am a chick with an internet connection: nothing more, nothing less.
Does anyone else find it hard to figure out what sort of self-care they need?
Because it's not all bubble baths and scented candles
- in fact I have to be careful with bubble baths in case my skin allergies freak out, and I don't like lighting candles anywhere near the cats because that's just an accident waiting to happen...
And apart from all that, the consumerist, one-size-fits-all, version of self-care does not, in fact, fit all.
June was too damned hot.
I hate the heat - I'm not built for it.
Ugh. It sucks.
Also, the mountain fires are apparently releasing heavy metals, like lead, from the vegetation, due to Wales' past status as lightly smouldering industrial wasteland.
It's potentially getting into the water supply. Fun times.
...On the plus side, maybe the English won't want our water now. (No, I'm not explaining that one - Google 'Wales water exports,' and once you've done that, Google 'Tryweryn'.)
May was hard. May was very hard.
But that's actually an improvement as far as 2023 goes, for me.
No-one in my life - including both pets and humans - died, nearly died, or had a life-changing diagnosis, so it's all good.
And, unlike last year, I did not catch Covid, so we're calling it a win.
(I need the win, OK? I'm so tired.)
Have I mentioned that 2023 hates me?
Because 2023 hates me.
I'm having the worst year. And that's saying something.
(Warning: this blogpost discusses low self-worth and mental health problems. It also briefly discusses toxic/abusive friendships.)
"Oh My God! You remembered!"
She's holding the chocolate orange, still partly covered by reindeer wrapping paper, like it's the most beautiful thing she's ever seen.
"Yeah?" - of course I did, she and our friend spent a good half an hour a month or so back discussing how sad it was that no-one ever gets them chocolate oranges, how much they love chocolate oranges, and that they hadn't had chocolate oranges in forever.
So, when I was buying their Christmas presents, I bought a couple of chocolate oranges. No brainer; no biggy.
"You're so sweet!"
...Am I?
In the spirit of friendship with our English neighbours, before we start I would like to wish you all a Happy St. George's Day! (Which is today - 23rd April)
You wouldn't think that a Welsh location having a Welsh place name would be controversial, but here we are...
Wales is full of mountains.
Like, there's so many mountains that most of the time we don't even notice they're mountains, let alone know what they're called. Most of them contain the scars of human industry and/or habitation.
But there are a few mountain ranges - a few national parks, in fact - that aren't untouched by humans, or even untouched by industry, but have kept enough of their own character, and enough tether to the natural world, to be classified as 'wild.'
Like Y Bannau Brycheiniog.
March 2023 was like the rest of 2023 so far - it effing sucked.
This year is really going down as one of my least favourites atm, and I've got some bad years on record, y'know? *sighs*
Anyhow, a good neighbour - a neighbour who'd been my neighbour since I was a toddler - passed away suddenly.
They were always there, y'know? They came to my brother's wedding and everything.
So that, on top of everything else I've been dealing with this year, was pretty damned horrible.
It's good to remind ourselves - as often as is necessary - that the little things are there to enjoy.
...By 'ourselves' I obviously mean me - we need to remind me. 😅
Warning/Disclaimer Time:
I very briefly discuss mental health problems in this blogpost.
I also give opinions on what can contribute to people's mood, so: I'm not any sort of scientific/medical/psychological professional - I'm a chick with personal experience of mental health issues and an internet connection. OK? OK.
The little things contribute so much to our lives.
Our beautiful, messed-up, everyday lives are made up of the bracelet you wore this morning, what you had for breakfast, whether you tripped over the doorstep on your way out, what song is playing on the radio... etc. etc.
What can I say about February?
As February tends to do, because of the length, it kind of zipped past.
It was not as bad as January for yours truly (because that, unfortunately, would take some beating,) but it was still full of more downs than ups, really.
I struggle when the people I love are struggling, dearest nerdlets, I really do.
And I tend to turn those feelings back on myself - like if I was just 'good enough' then things would be better, if I knew what I was doing with my life then things would be better, if I was just fundamentally 'better' then things would be better.
Objectively, I know that is a pile of b*llsh**.
Subjectively, I feel it.
I don't know what I'm writing but I hope it'll turn out OK.
I'm literally just typing things and hoping it turns into a blogpost at this point.
Wish me luck.
Thoughts are hard to form, sometimes.
Let alone trying to write something insightful, pithy, witty, or just plain worth it.
Sometimes I put way too much pressure on myself and on this blog.
Not everything I write has to have some deep meaning behind it.
(I know - you wouldn't think it for by reading some of my posts on such heavy-weight topics as fanfiction and weird superhero videos I found on the Interwebs. 😅 )
Warning: this post discusses current events so mentions a lot of potentially distressing topics, including, but not limited to: war, child labour, train accidents, Covid.
WTF is actually going on?
The 2020s are something else, honestly.
Someone needs to turn reality off and turn it back on again - simulation or not, this sh** is glitching.
January was hell.
I got some Very Bad news about a very close family member.
The 'it doesn't get better' kind of news.
I'm not really ready to go into it, further than saying I've found myself becoming a carer again. Yay.
So January was enough to say that 2023 is a bad year. Straight off.
I'm just hoping it stays at this level of bad and doesn't get worse. I can just about cope if it does that.
