Conversations - Is 15 Years Old Too Young To Be Reading Fifty Shades of Grey?

Conversations is a meme from Geraldine @ Corralling Books and Joan @ Fiddler Blue.

Basically, 'Conversations' is a bunch of topics to discuss at set times - and you know I me, I like a discussion.

I figure I'll just put in my two-pennies if/when I feel like jumping in on a topic. Because that's how I roll guys ;)


This week's topic is:

Is 15 Years Old Too Young To Be Reading Fifty Shades of Grey?


My first response to this question was a knee-jerk one, and it was this:

15 YEAR OLDS SHOULDN'T BE READING FIFTY SHADES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!?!?!

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Then I calmed the hell down and decided to think about things logically.



Now, I haven't read Fifty Shades, so this is going to be a general erotica/sexy-times-related discussion.

I'm pretty sure the points will also relate to Fifty Shades - because I haven't been living under a freaking rock, and I have a basic understanding of what Fifty Shades is about.

Just to be clear - what we're dealing with here is graphic sex scenes and BDSM.



15 years old is below the age of consent in most countries.

I would never EVER actively encourage 15 year olds to read erotica.

Because that would be giving porn to a minor, and apart from being hugely creepy *shudders*, it's probably bordering on illegal.

Well...maybe not. I don't know - it ain't right to encourage you anyhow! So I'm not going to.

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What is erotica?


A difficult one to define - but let's be honest: erotica is a book that is written with the sole purpose of sexual arousal.

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It always has graphic sex scenes. Usually more than one sex scene, dependent on the length of book.

I'm sure the argument can be made that a lot of romances border on erotica, or even are erotica. But there's always going to be fuzziness between genres.

I think intention is important - sure, you can have a steamy romance, but if it's more focused on the relationship than the sex then it's probably still a romance.

If the only reason for the relationship stuff is clearly to get the characters (ahem) together in the bedroom-sense, then you're probably dealing with erotica.

Again, there's no definitive here - but if you're dealing with a lot of graphic descriptions of the (ahem) mechanics of the bedroom, then it's probably erotica.



Why do people read erotica?

I'm sure there a lots of reasons - but at it's heart, erotica is a way of exploring sex, sexuality, and ultimately what (ahem) appeals to you... without placing yourself in dangerous or inappropriate situations.

For a discussion on the appeal, and the pros and cons, of erotica in general - and BDSM erotica also - take a look at Hans M Hirschi's excellent blog post.



The 15-year-olds perspective...

Remembering back to the dim and distance time in which I was fifteen, I'd say that the majority of fifteen-year-olds believe they're mature enough for this, but actually aren't.

At the same time, you aren't going to stop kids from getting hold of Fifty Shades and the like if they really want to.

Obviously, don't encourage them.

But, if they are reading this stuff, then hopefully their parents/relevant adults are approachable enough to make sex a topic that's not forbidden, but not so approachable that it starts to get a little weird.

(Talking to your parents about sex is uncomfortable at best. Let the kid know you'll talk about it if they want, then wait for them to come to you. And try to give off the general aura of believing in safe, sane, and consensual, sex.)

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The Internet exists, and the genie's out of the bottle

Ignoring the sheer amount of live-action and 'traditional' porn on the Internet, there's also a lot of pornographic fanfiction and fanart.

I know this, because I read fanfiction. And there are some things I just will never be able to un-see *fanfiction flashbacks here.*

What worries me the most though is that most fic writers, and readers, are under 16. This is some pretty heavy sh** to be writing and reading when you're so damned young.

And how do you even know this level of detail at that age?!?! I didn't know about lube at 16, but apparently the teenagers of the Internet are experts in the subject. (*Further fanfiction flashbacks.*)

Fifty Shades of Grey actually came from Twilight fanfiction, on the Internet. Yes, this is the typical level of sexy-times that is available to most movie, book, and TV franchises and fandoms on fanfiction sites.

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To be honest, Fifty Shades is tame compared to some things I've read *more flashbacks.*



So, what was my point again?

In an ideal world, no 15-year-old would be reading erotica.

We don't live in an ideal world - we live in the real world (*sigh*  I'm gonna find Narnia someday, honest.)

In the real world, teenagers are curious about sex, and porn is readily available. You do the metaphorical math.

The way forward, my dear friends, is not to expect 15-year-olds to be angels, but to be ready to talk to them if and when they have questions.

And to place emphasis on respect, safety, and consent.




Like this post? Try these:

• Pleasure, Not Guilt
• Friday Fics Fix - There Is Omegaverse (And I'm Taking You All Down With Me)

Nerd Church! - A Little Retail Therapy

Sometimes, you need window shopping - or, in this post-digital age, windows shopping. I'm a nerd. We have established this. We shall move on.

church image courtesy of debspoons at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I found The Literary Gift Company when faffing through the intricacies of the interwebs - and I like their style. I particularly like the Banned Books Bracelet. I am sooo tempted!!! If only I had more moneys (drat!)

But Cee! You're all thinking. This is Nerd Church! It's supposed to be stuffed full of moral sh** that you've dug from the pages and slapped into a blog post. Ah yes, erstwhile blog-hopper, but every religion and marketing company in the world will tell you that symbols are powerful things - and so jewellery and gifts with a literary theme are a fantastic way to spread the bookish message(s.) And maybe start to think about Xmas shopping for your fellow book nerds... or just windows shop, because sometimes you need it. Retail therapy is a powerful thing, even if you don't have the money to treat yourself.

Banned Books and Censorship (or, To #@!% or Not To #@!%)

Warning: In the spirit of anti-censorship, I'm going to swear like a sailor with no symbols to protect your innocent eyes.

This week is Banned Books Week 2015, and while it's largely an American thing, the rest of the world are often more than happy to jump on the proverbial fucking band wagon and celebrate books which have been banned and challenged. Intellectual freedom is a founding stone of any society that's worth its shit.

Book banning is something which still happens alarmingly regularly - and we need to be more aware of it. Unlike in the US, where the ALA attempts to keep record of fucking challenges and book-banning, there are very few such records kept in the rest of the world. I have no idea when, or if, book banning happens in the UK, having to rely instead on bloody anecdotal evidence.

I know, for example, that at my old school (I'm in my 20s, and finished school in circa 2013... or was it 2011? It might've been 2011. Maybe. Time's never been my strong suit,) every Dan Brown book was marked as 'Sixth Form Only.' Presumably because they didn't want parents coming back at them about the religious/controversial aspects. 'Naughty,' books with sex etc were often confined to these shelves. And sometimes books would have one copy on these shelves, and one on the shelves of the main library (e.g. The Book Thief.) I have no bloody idea why the fuck this was, and neither did the librarian.

So, why ban books? I have no fucking idea. But the reasons given are often about religion, violence, sex, nudity, and swearing. Basically, fucking reasons. Except that kids do not live in a shitting bubble - they know that the world is a complex and shitty place in which people fuck with everything - themselves, each other, and people's minds.

If you want your kids to be good people, they've got to come to that decision by themselves, not because you've prevented them from accessing other opinions. And sometimes, it's just fucking ridiculous. You don't like gay penguins? Fine, go be fucking bigoted on your own time. Just don't stop your kids from realising there's a world out there. And don't even get me started on the religious narrow-mindedness. You can believe what you want, but please allow others to make up their own minds. And don't ban vampire books just because they scare you.

Reviewing the Evidence - Ban this Filth!

Title: Ban This Filth! Mary Whitehouse and the Battle to Keep Britain Innocent (US Link)
Author: Ben Thompson
Genre: non-fiction

A few starting notes:

This was picked up in a library haul and seemed pretty interesting. For those who don't know, Mary Whitehouse was the leader of the National Viewer's and Listener's Association and the Clean-up TV Campaign from the 1960s onwards.

Premise:

This is a selection of the letters and documents from the Mary Whitehouse archive (yes, there is apparently such a thing,) and a running commentary by Mr Thompson.

Best bits:

This is quite an interesting book - I only had a sketchy knowledge of Mary Whitehouse before reading (her peak was a bit before my time,) and am always interested in the issue of censorship and the issue of offensive material in the media.

Ben Thompson's commentary is chatty and engaging, and clearly thought through, making the book charming enough to keep you reading. He also does well in framing the many paradoxes of a complex character who became a symbol of right-wing censorship while raising some fundamentally important points along the way.

Not so great bits:

I have to admit that at some points I found Thompson's defence of, and sometimes admiration and affection for, Mary Whitehouse a little wearing. Yes, believe it or not, she occasionally made some good points, but I would've liked a bit more of an acknowledgement that whatever good points she made cannot excuse her blatant homophobia (not to mention other statements made by herself which were more offensive than the stuff she wanted censored.) 

The structure of the book - with chapters focussing on a them - could've benefitted from said themes being more juicy. I would've far rathered reading more about the objections she had to things which have since become national treasures (Dr. Who, The Beatles,) than reading about her in-fighting with other Christian organisations such as the Anglican Church. A bit more social context for those of us not born at the time would also have not gone amiss.

Also, and this is not really the book's fault, the jacket was covered with quotes from British reviewers who clearly need to get out more. Yes, the book was amusing in places, but in no way was it 'hilarious' or 'shockingly funny.'

Verdict:

A fair effort to discuss the paradoxes and life of Mrs Whitehouse using the incredibly interesting resource of her own archives. There were minus points to this book, of course, but at the end of the day it is a competent portrait of the work of a woman who was trying (forcefully) to get back to an innocent, idealised, version of this country that never really existed - except perhaps in the minds of people like her.