Nerd Church - You're the Only You We've Got

(Flashing Images Warning: some of the gifs in this post flash a bit faster than the gifs I normally use, and this may affect people with photosensitive medical conditions such as epilepsy and migraines.)



Hello dearest nerdlets! There's something I want you to do - take care of yourselves.

Self-care is not just something for those with mental health problems, any more than the gym is only something for those with physical health problems.

We all have mental health my nerdlets, even if you never have a problem with it.

And this time of year can be financially, emotionally, and physically stressful.

If you celebrate Christmas or any other December-based holiday, then there's loads of stuff to do, things to buy, and relatives to make nice with.

If you act as either a part-time or full-time carer, this goes double for you.

We end up picking up the seasonal social responsibilities of our loved ones as well as ourselves - helping out with the shopping, the decorating, the gift-wrapping, and the card-writing.

For anybody acting as a carer right now: you're awesome. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.

So my nerdlets, here's just a couple of tips for how to take care of yourself over the festive period.

(Obviously everyone is different - these tips can theoretically apply to anyone, but do what works for you.)

• You-time is important. Take as much of it as you can. You're the only you there is - and we need you to be ok.

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• Perfection is an ideal, not a reality. It's ok for you to go with 'that'll do,' rather than 'that is perfect.'

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• You're human. There's a limit to how much you can do without exhausting yourself. Delegate or say no.

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• You need fuel in the tank. Regular meals are important. Regular sleep is important. Stay hydrated. If there's no fuel in the tank than you can't get this show on the road.

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• Put basic effort into your appearance. I don't mean be vain. I don't mean beat yourself up about how you look. I literally mean do things like brush your teeth and your hair; wash your face. Shower or bath regularly. It's good hygiene if nothing else.

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• Make an emergency self-care plan. This can be something physical like (just as an example) a box where you keep scented candles, chocolate, spa-style skin treatments, and your favourite DVD. Or it can be something you tell yourself, like 'I'm ok, I'm doing fine.' Or something you do to unwind - read, watch reality TV, make a cup of tea or coffee (although, be careful if your mood is easily affected by caffeine.)

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• Don't be so hard on yourself. This is a vital one. We're our own harshest critics. So give yourself a break.

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• Log off. Look, technology is great - but humans designed it, we weren't designed for it. Have a time in the day when you're not looking at a screen, and limit how much scrolling through social media feeds you do.

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• Limit the booze. Look, I'm no prude. Unless you have a legal reason or medical reason not to (and yes, that includes medications that shouldn't be mixed with alcohol,) then go ahead and have a drink. But remember, it's a depressant - you drink too much, even over a relatively spaced-out period of time, and you're gonna feel pretty sh**ty. And binge-drinking is not good for you, end of.

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So look after yourself guys!

Next week is the last Nerd Church before Christmas.

Like this post? (Of course you did!) Try these:

• Nerd Church - The Importance of Chillaxation
• Nerd Church - Celebrate the Small Stuff
• Colour Me Happy

Nerd Church - Well, That Was Unpleasant

(This post discusses mental health problems, stigma, anxiety, and a brief mention of suicide)

Kind of ironic - on Friday I posted about ableism, not knowing that I would face it on the same day.

Let me give you a scenario, dearest nerdlets.




Imagine you have anxiety problems. Imagine you're having a flare-up, and something that seems everyday to everyone else is terrifying to you.

I don't mean just worrying. I mean terrifying - the kind of terrified you'd feel if you lost a kid at the supermarket or were having trouble opening your parachute after jumping out of a plane.

Imagine you freak out, but manage to gather yourself up. You manage to push through and do the thing that's terrifying you.






And then someone draws attention to your weird behaviour, loudly, in front of a group of strangers.

It would hurt, yes?





Fine, maybe they don't understand why you were acting like that, but surely they can see that you were freaked out - for whatever reason - and maybe, I don't know, not embarrass you in front of random-a*s members of the public?!

I mean, really, is that so difficult?

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OK - explanation time:

I had to catch a train.

Trains make me nervous at the best of times - social interaction with strangers plus weird track vibrations plus the fact that I'm terrible at figuring out which one is my stop and what the time is, all add up to an at best slightly awkward experience.

(FYI - I could go on to list more reasons I dislike trains, but this post is about stigma not transportation.)

So, the gap from station to train was bigger than average - it's quite a leap there, and I have short legs.




And, as mentioned, my anxiety was flaring up. And someone had killed themselves a little further down the line less than a week earlier.

So I pulled back, and freaked a little. My breathing was getting pretty hectic, and my hands were starting to shake a little.






Honestly? I could very well have gone into full-on panic attack mode if The Bestie hadn't just smiled in understanding, held out a hand for me to grab, and pulled me onto the train (did I mention I have the best Bestie?)

So, I'm on the train, apologising to The Bestie for being a pain (and her telling me to stop apologising,) and trying to get my breathing back to normal, the ticket conductor guy comes over so that we can buy our tickets.





I'm sure he didn't mean to completely humiliate me by saying that he thought I was never getting on, and thought he'd have to 'bung you on myself' (this guy was huge, so that thought wasn't particularly reassuring.)

I'm sure he didn't mean to nearly bring me to tears by saying all of this loudly in front of a carriage full of people who may or may not have seen me freak out at the station, and chuckling as if it was all one big joke.

But he did.

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I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I wanted to burst out crying. I literally felt so stupid in that moment.

Look, I don't blame him for not figuring out why I was acting oddly - I don't wear a sign with 'Has Mental Health Problems' around my neck - but surely common sense should have made him keep his mouth shut?





I could've been freaking out for literally any reason.

I might've had vision problems, and wasn't able to see how to get across the gap. I might've had mobility problems and been worried about how to get across. I might've had PTSD, and been having a flashback.

I might just have been having a real sh**ty day that just got too much.

There are a million things that might've made me act a little weird.





The moral of this story, dearest nerdlets? Put yourself in the other person's position. Would you like it if someone treated you like this?








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Review! (Graphic Novel Edition!) - Who Killed Kurt Cobain?: The Story of Boddah by Nicolas Otero

Title: Who Killed Kurt Cobain?: The Story of Boddah

Author: Nicolas Otero

Genre: Graphic Novels, Magic Realism, Contemporary, Biography, Non-Fiction* (*ish)

Release Date: 8th November

Amazon: UK - USA

A few starting notes:

I received a free digital review copy of this book via NetGalley. NetGalley provides review copies from publishers in exchange for fair and honest reviews.

If anyone who has bipolar disorder and/or drug/alcohol addiction problems has reviewed this book, let me know and I will provide a link to your review.

This is weird. And probably needs to come wrapped in a 'trigger warning' protective plastic cover.

That said, this was interesting - so let's get down to this review, shall we?

Premise:

Kurt Cobain's suicide note was addressed to Boddah.

Now, given the amount of conspiracy theories over Cobain's death, Boddah's identity and role has been discussed a lot.

The simple truth, though, is that Boddah was Cobain's imaginary friend as a kid.

This is the story of Nirvana, Kurt, Courtney, and Kurt's death - as told by Boddah.

Best bits:

Otero seems to honestly feel for Cobain - which stops the book from feeling as exploitative as I feared it would. (It still does feel disrespectful though - see next section.)

We're encouraged to empathise with a man who was, at heart, actually very childlike and lost.

I felt like the image of Kurt given here was one of an actual human being - as opposed to the caricature or legend that he's become since his death.

This book is also down-right heart-breaking. You are right there with Courtney screaming at Kurt to open the bathroom door, watching him as he slowly self-destructs, and unable to help.

The artwork is serviceable - and the boldness of the more experimental hallucinatory-type panels was sometimes breath-taking.

The way Boddah seems so realistic is impressive. He loves Kurt; when Kurt is gone... the panels where Boddah is left without him are just heart-breaking.

Not so great bits:

Things drawn graphically in this book that people need to be aware of:

• drug-use (including heroin injection and joint smoking)
• sex
• child abuse (physical, emotional)
• guns (and a suicidal fascination with them)
• attempted suicide
• drying-out in rehab
• self-harm (I think... not 100%, I might be misremembering - a lot happened in this book)
• hallucinations
• childbirth
• suicide - including a VERY graphic image of Kurt's dead body.

There's also swearing - but, to be honest, if you can get beyond the things listed above, swear-words aren't going to bother you.

The question of respect for both the living and the dead is a difficult one in this book.

Honestly? (And you guys know I'm always honest with you.) I found it quite disrespectful.

I sincerely doubt that anyone bothered to get Courtney Love's permission to draw her explicitly having sex with her late husband - and that's NOT OK. It's just not.

Likewise, I doubt permission was obtained from any of Cobain's family to show the final distressing panel of his dead body. Again, that's NOT OK.

I DO NOT THINK THE SHOCK-VALUE IS WORTH HURTING PEOPLE. If these were fictional characters, maybe it would be different. But they're not.

You're dealing with REAL people here - have some f**king respect, please!

I felt like Kurt's mental health problems weren't really explained. We got one or two blink-and-you'll-miss-them references to his bipolar disorder, and that is it.

Now, given that Kurt Cobain committed suicide, and there's a chance that Boddah was a hallucination brought on by the bipolar (or, indeed, a hallucination brought on by the drugs, or a combination of the two,) some attention to how his illness will have impacted on both his general mental state, and his susceptibility to drug and alcohol addiction, would have been a good idea.

Verdict:

It was interesting. It was readable. It was heart-breaking.

But there were also issues - and one's which can't be ignored; so give it a read if you want to, honestly, it's pretty fascinating, but do it with your eyes wide open.

Buy Now UK – Buy Now USA – Goodreads

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Friday Fics Fix - Dark Emrys

Now that Halloween is over, normal fanfiction service will resume ;) (well, as normal as it ever gets.)

This week's fic is based on the BBC series Merlin. Which you should totally look up if you haven't seen it, because it's a pretty damn cool series.

You know what I really love though my nerdlets? Well-written fanfiction. Fanfiction which could be an original short story, and no-one could argue (excluding the copyright issues of course.)

And when the well-written piece is about mental health? Dude, I'm there.








But guys: WARNING! This is not a happy fic. It's about depression and includes self-harm, and some physical restraint related to the self-harm.

You know what's best for you, but please stop reading/don't start reading if this is going to hurt you and/or your wellbeing, mm'k?








Personally though, I found this... honest. As someone with depression, I really could relate to the emotion, even though the circumstances were different to my own.

Not sure that the reaction of Merlin's friends (i.e. yelling at him,) is all that healthy. But realistic? Yeah, probably. Honest? Again, yes.

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So this week's fic rec is:


As the Sun Fades by Welcome to my House of Mirrors

Enjoy, take care of yourselves, and I'll see you next week with more fanfiction-y-ness.







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Review Time! (& GIVEAWAY! [closed]) - Star-Shot by Mary-Ann Constantine

Title: Star-Shot

Author: Mary-Ann Constantine

Genre: Magic Realism*, Sci-Fi* (*ish)

Amazon: UK - USA

A few starting notes:

I received a free copy of this book from the publishers, Seren Books, in exchange for a fair and honest review.

Well dearest nerdlets, today is my 2-year blog anniversary!

And, to celebrate, Welsh publishers Seren Books (Seren means star - yay, shiny!) have agreed to give-away 1 copy of Star-Shot by Mary-Ann Constantine.

So let's get on with this!

Premise:

In a version of the Welsh capital that is almost, but not quite, our own, something strange is happening in the city of Cardiff.

Pockets of silence are appearing - areas which seem to muffle, mute, and eliminate sound.

Against this backdrop, the winding nature of everyday life draws a group of people together; an unlikely group, who are, in one way and another, affected by the silence - can they also have an effect on it?

Best bits:

This whole book has an uber-cool atmospheric deal-y going on; like a fable or a myth, only with more of a contemporary setting, and it works very well. :)

I quite like the quick slips between Welsh and English.

This switch between the two is done well enough that non-Welsh-speaking folks will be able to follow without taking an intensive language course, but it still allows Welsh to have a place in what is otherwise an English novel.

The sense that this is a novel weaved together so that it fits as it's supposed to is strong throughout, and the language is languid and gentle without verging on boring.

I also love the way a multi-character cast is juggled so well here, never forgetting about anyone along the way.

And is there diversity? Yes, my nerdlets, there is.

We have named PoC characters who become more integral as we continue through the plot, and we also have a fair whack of disability representation on top.

I love that Lina, a Syrian refugee, is smart, clever, resourceful, and a scientist, despite the fact that she works as a cleaner in Cardiff.

And, I won't give it away because of spoilers, but there's a pretty damn good message here too.

Not so great bits:

None of the dialogue is in speech marks, it's all just part of the other text.

While this is clearly a clever way of showing the disconnect and muffling quality of the silence, it's not practical and led to me like: was this out loud? Who said that?

Yes, it's nice to be smart and experiment. No, it's not too big a deal. Yes, it is irritating.

Also, there was less of a sense of place than I was expecting.

I know Cardiff - yes, the features are Cardiff (with some of those quirky alternate-reality exceptions) but to me it didn't feel like Cardiff. 

This may just be me - I'm notoriously bad at sense of place in books (and in life... I get lost a lot...)

Also, while I liked the bilingual elements, your average day in Cardiff will involve a lot less Welsh language than this book suggests.

Verdict:

OK, this book is weird - but it's a good weird.

It's the kind of weird which keeps you reading, keeps you guessing, and is just my cup of tea (or coffee - I'm one of the few British people who can't stand tea. I know, she's a rebel.)

Buy Now UK – Buy Now USA – Goodreads - Seren Books

Giveaway details

OK guys - it's as simple as this: RT this tweet and FOLLOW my Twitter account, and you could be getting your very own copy of Star-Shot, courtesy of publishers Seren Books.

Open from 9.30 GMT on 31st October 2016 to 9.30 GMT on 1st November 2016. Open Internationally.

Mental Health Conditions ARE Real Problems - And Books Need To Realise It

(This post discusses mental illness, negative representations and perpetuation of stigma around mental health, depression, anorexia, and suicide.)




Don't you hate it when you're reading a fairly awesome book, and then there's some ignorant and hurtful mental health representation just thrown in there?

You're there, enjoying yourself, and suddenly there's an ignorant portrayal of mental illness which does nothing but perpetuate the stigma around these conditions.

OK, let me rewind and explain what brought this on:

I've just finished reading We Need New Names by NoViolet Bulawayo (UK - US.)




Overall, this is a great contemporary novel about our point-of-view protagonist, Darling, growing up in Zimbabwe, and then moving to America.

It's not a perfect book - but then, what is? I was enjoying it though - but there was a chapter which left me with a sour taste.





What was my problem with it? Well, dearest nerdlets, I'll tell you.

In this particular chapter, a few chapters before the end, there is a rich, white, American girl called Kate. Darling does some cleaning work for her father.





Kate tried to kill herself not long before the two girls meet. Kate is starving herself because she thinks she's fat, even though she's super skinny.

Kate is clearly anorexic, and depressed.

Darling's reaction? Well, Darling's reaction is to laugh at her. Because according to Darling, Kate has no 'real' problems, and is therefore being ridiculous.

Let me make this clear: mental illness is not directly linked to what money you have. Mental illness does not care how comfortable your living conditions are.

Mental illness is not something you can get over simply by being more grateful for what you have, and neither is it a result of being ungrateful.

Mental illness can happen to anyone. At any time.

This depiction of Kate as nothing more than a silly, spoilt, rich girl is harmful. You don't get to judge her - no matter who you are.

We are given no background on Kate, and no rectification of these implications about her. She appears only in this chapter, and then is gone, not to be mentioned again.





Her pain - and the pain of millions of people like her - are used simply as a way of saying that American kids are ungrateful and complain too much, when other people have it a lot worse.

Yes, there are people who are worse off financially etc. than Kate. She has a safe home, a fridge full of food (as Darling points out,) and an overly-spoilt little dog which has its own wardrobe.

But pointing these things out to people with mental health problems does nothing but make them feel worse.

Again - just to reiterate - MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT CARE IF YOU ARE A PRINCESS OR A PAUPER.

You can be a millionaire with a mental illness. You can be in poverty and have a mental illness (and certainly, I'm not denying that there are often higher rates of mental health problems amongst those with lower incomes.)





Being unwell - being ill - with a potentially fatal illness (depression can kill; anorexia can kill,) is NOT BEING UNGRATEFUL.

And it's time people started to realise that.









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Mini-Review! - Finders Keepers by Stephen King

Title: Finders Keepers

Author: Stephen King

Genre: Crime, Thriller

Series: Bill Hodges #2

Amazon: UK - USA

Verdict:

After reading the first book in this series, Mr Mercedes, a little while back, I wanted to read the sequel.

So, yes, this book is a sequel.

It's actually very different in terms of tone to Mr Mercedes - the central crime-fighting team takes a bit of a back-seat to the plot here - but I actually would recommend reading Mr Mercedes first, rather than reading this as standalone.

(This advice is coming to you from someone who reads most series in a random order according to mood and what book was in the library.

So people who like things organised - and you know who you are - you will definitely want to read Mr Mercedes first.)

This though, is not a book that's that much about our main characters.

I know, that sounds crazy. But this is a book where the central characters of this series are very much in the background.

Instead, our focus is on a decades-old crime, (which, a la Mr Mercedes, we already know the perpetrator of,) and it's unforeseen affect on a teenager from the present day.

This is a tale of literary obsession which bookish folks will recognise as the potential frightening extremity of fandom. This is about the power of words, and people who will literally kill to possess them.

Because this is what happens when the teenage Peter Saubers finds the missing notebooks of a murdered literary genius. This is what happens when the person who hid them wants those notebooks back...

This isn't for the faint of heart - but then, it's Stephen King; even though it's not horror as such, you probably guessed that it was going to be dark.

I found the final showdown pretty disturbing, in honesty. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing ;) But yeah, I actually flinched; it was pretty damn vivid.

There's loads of violence, a shed-load of swearing, and slurs of various sorts from some pretty horrible people.

There's also a lot of reference to rape - there's a lot of rape-as-incidental-plot-point in this book. It's not gratuitous, but it's also very uncomfortable.

I'm glad that black character Jerome is phasing out his jive-talking alter-ego (who consciously came out whenever Jerome decided to act like a jack-a*s,) because that was one of the things that bugged me most about the previous book.

A white dude writing a black character who liked to mock negative stereotypes by inhabiting those stereotypes was a very fine line to tread, and I'm glad that aspect of Jerome's character seems to be falling by the wayside.

I still love our female crime-fighter Holly - the sidekick to main character, ex-cop Bill. She's fab.

She's strong, smart, and has OCD and anxiety problems. And she still kicks a*s.

Allow me to indulge myself in an awesome heroine with mental health problems, ok? ;)

Buy Now UK – Buy Now USA – Goodreads – Author's Site

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Nerd Church - Dear Tommy Wallach: An Open Letter

(This post is going to deal with such heavy topics as suicide, mental illness, and people acting like f**king jerks.)

Dear Tommy Wallach,



You don't know me, in fact, it's likely you'll never read this letter. But it's important that I write this.

You wrote a book. A YA book which deals with suicide. That's a heavy topic, and one which should be handled with the utmost care.

Given your behaviour on Twitter, I doubt very much you have the maturity to handle this topic.

You made a joke. A cruel joke. This is what you said:

Clearly, from your lack of an effective apology, and your decision instead to lock down your account, you don't understand what you did wrong.

People understood that this was a joke. No need to keep repeating that. We just didn't think it was funny.





The flippancy with which you spoke about jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge - one of the key themes of your novel, apparently - was horrible.

There have been times in my life where I've thought about ending things.

Take it from someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety for well over two years - people referring to suicide in this way is hurtful.





Firstly, you are saying our lives mean nothing more to you than a cheap joke, used for your own purposes.

You are being callous, cruel, and uncaring.

You are telling people who are already low that they have no meaning. Have you got any idea how little it might take to tip someone over that edge?





Secondly, you are disrespecting every single family member of every single suicide victim in the world. You are saying their loved ones' deaths are funny.

You are saying their hurt means nothing, that those people meant nothing - that they weren't wonderful sparks of light that were taken too soon. That they weren't someone's sibling, spouse, child, parent, grandparent, cousin, friend...

They were. Do not disrespect their memories.





Thirdly, you referred to the bridge as 'sexy' - claiming this was why you wouldn't mind jumping off it. Do not needlessly romanticise suicide.

It's not made any better by the fact that it's in a pretty location. People still die.

Known suicide spots attract the suicidal because human beings follow the examples of others.

The Golden Gate Bridge is one of the most deadly suicide spots in the world.






Do you know what it's like to live near a suicide spot - even a small one? My nearest local suicide spot is less than ten minutes away on foot.

There are several others close by. Every time something happens, your heart breaks.

And the aura around these places - or around a spate in suicides in a town or county, is like a lead weight pushing you into the ground.

But when you're feeling particularly low? Those places call out to you, even if it's just a little. Because wouldn't it be easy to...? And you can't think like that.

10 minutes from my home. I have to pass it to go to the shop for milk. I have to pass it on my way to and from doctor's appointments. Think about how that feels.

And you certainly have absolutely no right to put that idea into someone else's head.





I cast my mind back, when I was reading your dumpster fire of flippant stupidity and defensive faux-apologies, to the times when I have considered ending things.

If I came across your tweet - casually, on my feed? If I had come across that at my lowest of moments?

It may honestly have been enough - especially if you were someone I followed ardently. You would have killed me.

So, Tommy Wallach. Please understand that your words matter, they are powerful - which, as a writer, you should have realised before now.

Yours,

Cee

If you need help:

The Samaritans (not a religious organisation) in the UK are always happy to hear from you about literally anything.

You can ring them free if you're feeling suicidal - or if you're just bored or lonely and want a chat.

Their number is 116 123 in both the UK and ROI.

You can e-mail them at jo@samaritans.org

You don't have to be suicidal to get in touch with them - they're there to talk about anything, big or small.

International Helplines:

• List of suicide helplines/hotlines worldwide
• Wikipedia list of suicide helplines/hotlines worldwide
• STOP-Homophobia.com's list of international suicide helplines/hotlines

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