Sunday 13 May 2018

Nerd Church - IRL?

We're living in a world where the lines between online and offline have become more wibbly than ever before.

So I've been thinking a lot lately about the difference between online and offline life.

(Yes, this post is probably going to meander quite a lot - you've been warned! 😉)

emoji plushies in an emoji box

I've been watching Shane Dawson's* series with Grav3yard Girl this week - which you should check out on YouTube if you think it's something you'd like btw - and it struck me how she was scared of sharing too much of herself with her followers.

It's like, she was hiding herself on an emotional level, rather than just protecting her privacy, because she was scared that people were judging her.

I get that - no-one likes being judged. And with her levels of audience (she gets hundreds of thousands, sometimes even millions, of views PER VIDEO,) I guess the pressure must feel huuuge!

I also think - and this may seem a little presumptuous - that maybe she was so scared of showing off her nice things - shoes, cars, etc., because she was concerned that she didn't deserve them (which is totally not true!)

And I've been there (not the shoes and cars - my luxuries are things like cupcakes and magazines.) It can be mega-tough.

*UPDATE 3rd July 2020 - Given recent videos I've seen of Shane sexualising children, amongst other offensive things, I'm not placing him in an aspirational role any more. I'm not supporting him any more.

But when we say 'fake' we don't usually mean hiding ourselves.

We normally mean fake smiles, faux friendships, and bragging about the amount of stuff you have and how amazing you are.

But even the most genuine people in the whole mooniverse have moments of being fake.

I don't mind the odd fake smile or fake laugh, especially if it's to spare someone's feelings; being kind is a good thing.

And some of us - hello fellow people with mental health problems! - need to be a little fake sometimes, if only to give ourselves an extra layer of armour.

If only to convince ourselves, by faking it, that we do believe we're worth it.

But some people online are so fake that they either deny themselves, or believe in their own fakeness. Both of those things are sad, in the end.

Look, the Internet has a lot of power - a certain US president who seems determined to plunge the world into nuclear war, one way or another, is proof of this.

Remove Trump's Twitter, and the world will be a better place. #JustSaying.

Online, even on personal profiles, people try to paint their lives a certain way.

Every moment is either the best or the worst ever. Everything's the scariest, the funniest, the saddest, the happiest - everything is in extremes. Like your whole life is a highlight reel.

The people who terrify me though are those who become someone else entirely online -

not in a catfishing way, but that's f**king scary too!

- people who present themselves so differently to their reality that they actually bend the truth.

I also totally understand that people don't always wanna spread their lives across the world - I use a blogging name for Iesu's sake, I get it.

There are many, many, reasons why I use a pseudonym online - because I can't have just one reason to do anything. (I'm incapable of holding only one opinion at a time. Or am I? 😉)

But one of the main reasons was that it gave me the freedom to share parts of myself with you, my dearest nerdlets, to be vulnerable in a way that wouldn't be possible for me if everyone knew my real name.

Because I know what I say here won't come back on my family, my business, my private life, I feel safe enough to be open and honest and frank (and hopefully genuine, too, but I'll leave you to be the judge of that!)

And there's something powerful in that level of openness, my dearest nerdlets. It says, f**k it, I'm not ashamed of who I am! XD

I think that people should totally be allowed to keep parts of their lives offline - but not to the extent that it prevents you from being genuine in your interactions.

(Again, I'm hoping I manage to pull off the whole genuine thing! ...This is me being genuinely self-conscious about my blogging! 😅 Lol.)

There are people, though, who I know IRL. And when I see certain individuals online... they've clearly edited the truth.

I don't know, maybe they're hiding the truth from themselves too, but I know the entirety of the situation, and saying 'this has been such a difficult time in my life' when you are the one who made it difficult and were acting shady... 👀

I'm really holding myself back here in case, by some quirk of fate, that person is reading and recognises themselves - which if I went into more detail they definitely would - and that might cause difficulty for family members of mine.

See? Sometimes you have to hold sh** back online!

As long as you're being honest about your reasons for doing so -

and trust me, I am sorely tempted to go into more detail about certain people, who doesn't love a rant? but I need to be responsible here (argh! so annoying!)

- then it's perfectly ok to hold things back.

(Also, you don't have to get involved in every conversation, especially if you don't feel you know enough about a topic - it's ok not to know stuff!)

The short version:

  • everyone feels a little insecure sometimes

  • it's ok to hold back online, as long as you understand your own reasons, and they don't interfere with you being who you are

  • some people online seem lovely but IRL there's... more of a story there

  • be as genuine as you can online - it's fairer to the people you talk to, and better for you, let's face it

Do you think it's important to be genuine online? Have you ever wanted to rant, but had to hold yourself back? Talk to me! 😍💬

Please share and comment! 💖

You can follow me on Twitter @CeeDoraReads, on Dora Reads @ BlogLovin, and on Google+. For more ways to support me, check out the Support Me page

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Last Updated: 31st July 2018


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Omg first off, I’ve been watching Shane’s series with Bunny too and love it! I pretty much love all of Shane’s videos lol. But I totally agree Cee! I even find for me personally, the way I present myself on my blog twitter account is completely different from how I present myself on my personal twitter account! On my personal, I hold back a lot of fangirling, and just general humour because I’m afraid of being judged. Whereas on my blog account, I pretty much let my emotions run free lol.

    1. It's really interesting, right?

      I get that - sometimes there are people you don't want to know/see certain things about you; and sometimes there's just a different attitude to different accounts you hold, y'know?

      Like I said, as long as you understand the reasons behind sharing things on some accounts and not on others, then that's fine - but never be ashamed of who you are, Em. You rock out loud, and anyone who judges you is a jerk. <3

  3. I agree, I think it's ok to hold things back (online or irl), and there are certain types of fakeness that are not necessarily bad. For example, I might be in a bad mood, but instead of bringing it up, I'll just stay positive online or something. I'm always myself though. But there are other types of fakeness that are more harmful, either to the person themselves, or to others, or both. It's hard to say exactly what is and isn't ok though since everything is so situational and could have impacts we don't even realize.

    1. I think, as long as you're not *forcing* yourself to be positive to the point where it's actually harmful, then that's fine. Sometimes it can be a relief to escape your own bad mood by changing your (virtual, metaphorical, whatever) surroundings.

      When you know the full story and people are portraying it as something else in order to garner sympathy... I'ma stop talking or I'll have that rant I promised that I wasn't gonna have!

  4. Yes, I do think it's important to be genuine online. I am quite a private person, so I don't talk much about the intricacies of my life on my blog often, yet I do talk frankly about things I feel would be helpful to others, such as my struggle with depression. I think it's possible to be authentic online and still maintain a healthy level of privacy.


Comments? I love comments! Talk to me nerdlets!