Sunday 16 December 2018

Nerd Church - 50+ Things It's OK To Feel When You're Grieving

Grief doesn't care about 'should.'

Grief will feel how grief feels.

crying face of a stone statue

I lost my grandfather this week.

And I was tempted to not write a Nerd Church post at all.

But, as you can see, I decided to.

Part of the reason I decided to is entirely selfish: blogging is cheaper than therapy. I've said it enough times and I still mean it.

The other reason is selfless: if I can help someone else by talking about grief, then I'm gonna f**king talk about grief.

So if anyone else has lost someone recently, then what you feel - whatever you feel - is valid.

That doesn't necessarily make it logical.

For example:

Feeling Guilty + Did The Best You Could = Illogical.

You still feel it - LET yourself feel it. But also remind yourself when things don't make sense.

So here are more than 50 things that's it's perfectly fine to feel when you've lost someone:

  1. Sad - a bit of an obvious one, but worth repeating
  2. Happy
  3. Angry
  4. Like your heart's been torn out
  5. Like the tears will never end
  6. Regret
  7. Selfish
  8. Like you wanna avoid everything
  9. Like you wanna organise everything
  10. Like you wanna turn back time
  11. Like you wanna travel to the future, where the pain's already passed
  12. Like you never want this pain to pass
  13. Ungrateful
  14. Like you're being ungrateful
  15. Empty
  16. Full up
  17. Like the world's light has gone out
  18. Like you wanna put the world's light out
  19. Shocked
  20. Unsurprised
  21. Resigned
  22. Alone
  23. Crowded
  24. Hopeless
  25. Lost
  26. Grateful
  27. Thankful
  28. Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Bashful, Dopey, and Doc
  29. Like you've gotta find some reason to smile
  30. Like everything is a reason to smile
  31. Like there's never gonna be a reason to smile again
  32. Like you shouldn't smile
  33. Like you're a bad person for smiling
  34. Like they would've wanted you to smile
  35. Love
  36. Pain
  37. Desolation
  38. Like it's not fair
  39. Like the world should stop
  40. Like the world shouldn't stop
  41. Like your tears are knives
  42. Like your tears are soothing
  43. Confused
  44. Crystal clear
  45. Devastated
  46. Exhausted
  47. Like you wanna escape
  48. Like you wanna face it
  49. Like you wish it was easier
  50. Like you wish it was harder

If you're struggling with ANYTHING emotionally or mentally my dear nerdlets, PLEASE get help.

There are also suicide prevention and/or mental health helplines you can use.

And, if you're in the UK or ROI, you can talk to The Samaritans at any time.

Anything to add to the list?
Talk to me! 💖💬

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Last updated: 24 Dec 2018


  1. Number 28 put a little smile on my face :) Again, so sorry for your loss. My grandmother died New Year’s Eve five years ago so I always feel a lot of emotions this time of year. We’re in this together, Cee :)

    1. I'm glad it did - that's why it's there ;) Thanks Em, you're a star. *Hugs* my other grandparents died at Christmas four years ago; while the hurt fades, it's still there. *Hugs more*

  2. Sorry to hear about your grandfather.
    A big virtual hug to you.

  3. Grieving is a process that I think we do try to have end a little too quickly, or we want to wash away the emotions and get right back to normal life. It can be hard and losing someone is never easy. I am sorry for the loss of your grandfather, Cee. I hope you are doing okay <3

    Reading this list, it amazes me because this year I lost my great aunt, and when I lost my grandfathers at different times I remember feeling all of these? It actually surprised me how you could feel the contradictions at the same time. How you could feel full up and empty. Sad but happy they aren't feeling pain anymore. Crowded and lonely at the same time... it's not easy at all.

    1. Thank you <3

      Grieving is weird af. And it feels how it feels. And it feels so many goddamn ways at the same time!


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