Sunday 5 January 2020

Nerd Church - My New Year's Resolution

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Hey dearest nerdlets! I hope that 2020 is treating you well so far! 

(...or at least hasn't been too sh** already. ...I'm pragmatic.)

Update, 2021 - this statement did not age well

So, I figured I'd talk a little about my New Year's Resolutions... 

...Well. Sort of.

'My New Year's Resolution' with blue background and fireworks

See, to me, NY resolutions have always been a little *waves hands* ...vague.

Like, I don't even know what I'm doing next week, let alone committing 12 months to something, y'know?

So, they're more like an idea. Maybe a goal, or an intention, or whatever.

I also figure that it doesn't have to be January - an arbitrary month, save for the year change - in order for you to do something new.

If you wanna make a change, dearest nerdlets, you go ahead and do it, whether it's January or June or some other month! You do you.

So what are MY New Year's Resolutions? That's what the people came here to hear! (Lol.)

Well, apart from some vague goals - finish the first draft of the re-write of my novel, continue with my self-care strategy, bring love and peace to all mankind, clean my room... y'know, the usual -

- I have one very specific resolution:

To try to be more unapologetically myself

WTF, Cee?! I hear you cry, Are you not normally genuine?! Have you been faking this entire time?!

Fear not, doubting nerdlet!!!

I am genuine. I don't fake.

I do my best to be as open and honest on this blog as I can be (albeit with a pen-name.)

But, and this most likely won't come as a shock to anyone who's read this blog regularly, I'm not someone who's comfortable in my own skin.

To say I have self-esteem and self-image issues is an understatement.

I only just about like myself... most days... and loving myself is a long way off.

So I've decided that I'm gonna try to be more... me. And not apologise for that.

I have this habit of apologising for... pretty much everything.

Sometimes I even apologise for apologising. #TrueStory.

Partly, that's because I'm British - we apologise if someone walks into us, or we feel like we're obscuring the view of the supermarket shelves; it's a wonder anyone here gets anything done, really.

But I also apologise... well, pretty much for existing.

For example, I apologise, and/or make excuses, when I feel like I've said something weird, or random... which is a lot.

And then I try to be less weird.

The thing is... I am weird; it's entirely normal to be weird, one of life's charming and infuriating contradictions.

I'm me.

(Warning: mild flashing images in vid.)

...Didja really think I'd pass up such an excellent opportunity to include Taylor Swift & Brendon Urie's ME! ...? 😎

I'm me.

I blog. I write stuff - including a novel I'm working on. I love to read. I love poetry and art and gothic stuff and cats.

I'm Dyscalculic, a Synaesthete, have multiple skin allergies, and am a migraineur, I've fought (yes fought) Depression and Anxiety for over 5 goddamn years.

I'm Welsh, a virgin, a cisgender woman, in my late 20s, Sexually Fluid and Queer, only a little over 5ft tall, I run my own business.

I suck at cooking, I love puzzles, and I was raised middle-class in the countryside by working-class hippies.


Why the hell would I want to be normal?

I shouldn't be apologising for being myself, or trying to hide the things that make me me, because there's nothing wrong with being me!

...And acting like there is is just gonna make me feel like I should be ashamed of being me. Even more than I already do.

And, objectively: f**k that sh**!

You may have noticed, though, that my resolution is to try to be more me.

That isn't me attempting to weasel my way out of responsibility or accountability - it's me realising that the trying, here, is the most important part.

Also... to be totally honest, it's difficult to fail a resolution to try to do something 😅 #LifeHacks

What are your New Year's Resolutions?
Do you struggle with being yourself without apologies?
Talk to me! 💖💬

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Last updated: 13th August 2020


  1. That's a great resolution. I am in a similar place with my self-esteem and my vague resolution is just to be kinder to myself. That includes physical self-care as well as trying not to beat myself up internally. I'm going to take some time to think about my goals for the year today.

    1. Thank you. And awesome! I hope you take care of yourself and treat yourself awesomely! *hugs* <3

  2. That’s a great resolution. Good luck with it! I’m also not comfortable with myself, but people seem to like the self-deprecating humor, so I just roll with it.

    Aj @ Read All The Things!

    1. ...I hadn't thought of your humour as self-deprecating, but again, I'm British! (Lol.) You're awesome-sauce from where I'm stood! *hugs*

  3. I love Taylor Swift’s and Brenden Urie’s song so much. I think we should make it our anthem for 2020!

  4. I hope you achieve all the goals you set yourself for the year. I like the being yourself, that is a great idea in a world that is sometimes telling you to look or act a certain way I think this goal is great! Happy New Year to you xx

    1. Thanks! And yes - the world as a whole def. tells me to be things I'm not! I'll just have to teach it *my* way of doing things! (Lol.)

      Happy New Year/Blwyddyn Newydd Dda! <3

  5. I read another blogger commit to new year intentions, and I rather like that idea. I'm personally in the market to buy my first house this year, so here's to truly adulting and loving ourselves!

    1. Ha, I try to *avoid* adulting whenever possible! ;) Working on the 'loving myself' bit though!

      OMG I hope you manage to get the most awesomest house that you can! :) <3

  6. Awww ♥️ I totally relate. I have been working on not apologizing for who I am for the last couple years. It’s hard to bit back my immediate apology just for existing and let my words flow freely. I have social anxiety so it’s hard. Just keep trying. That’s success. ��

    1. So true! It's hard - I totally get you! But you're right - trying again and again is success in itself :)

  7. I like the sound of being unapologetically you and trying to love living life at your fullest. From what I can tell of you on the blog and twitter you are AMAZING and everyone should recognise that <3


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