Friday 14 January 2022

Friday Fics Fix - Bucky Angst (I Regret Nothing)


'Sam’s hand hovers near his arm again, just in the corner of his eye. Just in case he collapses without warning or something. Bucky hates that he has to bite his tongue and accept that as a legitimate probability'

'Fics Fix' with purple background and white lightning bolt shape

This week's fic appealed to my emo goblin spaghetti-brain. 

I regret nothing.

Plus, this is so well written.

And you know that I have no choice in these circumstances: I see the well written fanfiction, I rec. the well written fanfiction. 

This is how it works.

I am but a simple fangirl 😘

So, this week's fic is The Falcon and The Winter Soldier (TFATWS) based.

...Probably contains Marvel SPOILERS (but who can tell any more?)

...And is not M/M or Queer in any way (I know... I was surprised too.)

The basic gist here is that Bucky's recouperating in Delacroix after a big ouchie on a vague, plot-device, mission.

This ouchie was on the mahoosive scale, and therefore required hospitals and medical sh** - none of which Bucky does well with.

(I have no idea why I'm using the word 'ouchie' instead of injury, but let's just go with it and not ask too many questions...)

Bucky (Seb Stan) sitting cross-legged on his apartment floor, looking both hurt and angry
Via Giphy

So, with his head even more scrambled-feeling than it usually is, he's... kinda lost.

It seems like nothing he does is right, no social response he can come up with is 'correct.'

He's stuck in his head, and remembering wars that he has trouble placing in chronological order.

Yes, this is that Angst-sh** I love.

(With a good dollop of Hurt/Comfort from good friend Sam - who, again, actually is a friend in this fic, because it turns out not all fanfiction is Queer. Just, like, 90% of it.)

(Fandom notes: Angst and Hurt/Comfort (H/C) are specific genres of fanfiction.

Angst is, well... angsty.

Hurt/Comfort involves one or more of the characters being hurt, and others comforting them.

So now ya know!)

Lots of slow, long-drawn-out pain and healing.

The fic author describes it as 'an abstract piece of art that is mostly banter glued to angst.'

Which is pretty accurate. And 100% not something I'm capable of resisting 😅

There is a MASSIVE WARNING for this one, though -

Disclaimer time!

I am not a mental health, psychology, or medical professional.

If you're in the UK or ROI, you can talk to The Samaritans about anything at any time. Check out their contact details here.

If you're not in the UK or ROI, you can check out this list of international suicide helplines.

- There is a brief moment where Bucky is in a bad place/reflecting on being in a very bad place, and there's some suicide ideation that... while it makes sense in context for where Bucky is, mentally, at that point, I need to be clear: 

It's not healthy. It's not an accurate interpretation of reality. It's seriously messed up and illogical thinking. Staying alive is not, and never will be, a cowardly thing to do.

Staying alive is important. YOU are important. Stay with us, OK? Even if you feel like I'm not talking to you, I am.

So please, please, please be aware that this content is in this fic, however brief it may be. 

I realise that that will be a deal-breaker for a lot of readers.

And that is absolutely A-OK.

You take care, and do what's right for you.

For me? It was surprisingly positive.

Because Bucky pushes it away - that's not him, and he's gonna break off that line of thought.

It's an intrusive thought - and even The Winter Soldier gets intrusive thoughts (though it would be even better if it was labelled as such in the fic itself.)

Other Content Warnings include:

- suicidal thoughts/ideation (see above)

- serious injury

- blood, stitches, etc.

- PTSD-like symptoms and mental health problems

- references to:

      - war

      - general violence

      - torture

      - hospitals and medical stuff

      - murder

      - life-threatening injuries always, I may have forgotten something, so be careful!

This week's fic, then, is:

come home by apocalyvse

If you're in the UK or ROI, you can talk to The Samaritans about anything at any time. Check out their contact details here.

If you're not in the UK or ROI, you can check out this list of international suicide helplines.

Do you think there are topics that fics shouldn't deal with? Or is it OK as long as people talk openly about it, and use warning tags etc.?

Were you also surprised that there is non-Queer fanfiction out there? 😉

Talk to me! 😊💬

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  1. I'm showing my sister TFATWS for the first time. While she's not the biggest fan of it, she did ask me why I loved it so much, and I told her it was because of the positive therapy representation and Bucky working through all of the intrusive thoughts he has. I related to him so much. I mean, while I can't relate to being a brainwashed super solider (thank goodness), Bucky's fears and him working through it in therapy really resonated with me.

    1. A lot of people didn't like the therapy rep. (because Dr Raynor is... unorthodox, to put it politely,) but I'm happy you found it positive! :) <3

      I love Bucky, so much - dude's had so much thrown at him and finds ways to keep going in what is, objectively, the most ridiculous of circumstances (you know I'm a fan of his 'WTAF is my life?' face! Lol.) <3 <3 <3


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