Nerd Church - The Writer Diaries: My Brain Is Unpredictable, Right Now

 

[Warning: this post discusses mental health problems and grief]

Look, I've been through some stuff lately, and it's definitely affected me.

My mental health has not been good for the last 10+ years, and now, after losing my mother in February... my head has given me a whole bunch of Very Bad Days lately.

I can't bring myself to go into details, but... it was hell. As a family, we've been through absolute hell since October 2024.

I've said it before - poor mental health makes it extremely difficult for me to write, and not writing makes my mental health even worse.

While I'm still definitely writing stuff - a little on here, a bunch on Medium, and the occasional excruciatingly difficult foray into my Work-In-Progress (WIP,) - it is tough.

Some days are better - I can get the words to fit themselves together, somehow. But... there's no way of knowing, before I sit down to try, whether or not my brain will work correctly at any particular moment.

And believe me, I've tried - my drafts folder/tab-thingy looks like a tornado hit it. There's a whole pile of nonsense in there that I just don't have the energy or cognitive capacity to sort through right now.

The brain fog gets me, and putting words together gets overly-tricksy - putting words together that actually make sense even more so.

Which means that my online writerly/bloggerly prescence, at the moment, is a little all-over-the-place.

And I worry about that - I really do.

Like, right now, writing this post I'm thinking:

• Is this blogpost too similar to my last update post?
• Does anyone still even care about me and Dora Reads?
• Does any of this actually make sense?
• Am I just writing the same thing, over and over again?
• Why won't my thoughts just get in order already?!
• Is it pathetic that I've only committed to one Nerd Church post a month, and even that is one hell of a struggle?

...I could go on, but you get the idea.

But... I love this blog. And I can't ever stop writing.

So I'm just giving it my best shot, dearest nerdlets. Hopefully some of you will come along for the ride.

And I know that the whole world is pretty unstable, pretty difficult, right now - so hang on tight, OK? I know it's hard - I really do. 

But just hold on, and hope for better things. It's all we can do.

The next Nerd Church post will be on 1st June 2025 - hope to see you there!

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More from Dora Reads:

• Schedule/Blogging Update

• Nerd Church - Brain Fog Days