The Writer Diaries (Or, Feel the Fear, and Write it Anyway)

Like many an erstwhile reader and blogger, your dear Reading Addict dreams of one day being called a writer. Except it's more than a dream, isn't it? If you've been there, then you know that it is.

I've moaned about my life before now and in the course of that post (which was a lot less self-pitying than I make it sound here, honest!) I mentioned that one of the reasons I started this blog was because I've always wanted to be a writer. And it's true. I can't stop writing sh**.

I also love reading. Love it, love it, love it (as you've probably guessed from the books blog...) I know I'm a reader - and I don't make any money out of that either, so why does it feel so weird to call myself a writer? I write loads - and not just e-mails like most people I know. I pretty much write anything and everything. But, aside from blogging etc., and a few things I wrote a million years ago for kiddies competitions, I'm unpublished. Is that my problem? Is that why I can't bring myself to call myself a writer; I don't call myself an artist either, and I draw and paint a sh**-load too. I call myself a knitter, a card-maker, a crafter - and I don't do any of those professionally.

Is it a case of acceptability? If you call yourself a writer, an artist, a painter, a singer, a musician, then you're revealing a part of yourself to the world - a deep-seated part that feels more than a little vulnerable to the criticism you receive, not only for your work, but for the very fact that you have work. Being a knitter, a reader, a dancer, whatever somehow seems more socially acceptable, because a lot of people have those hobbies and it's considered 'normal' - something that anyone can do if they have the time and the inclination (even if that's only true to a greater or lesser extent.) Being a writer is something you're born with - I'm sorry, but it's true. I can't remember a time when I didn't write - literally. (And I'll let you in on a little secret - if you want to be a writer, then you are.)

Should I give up? Never write another word? Even the idea is making my anxiety flare up!

But then, what can I do about the fear of being judged because of who I am - a writer, albeit an unpublished one? I acknowledge it (never ignore your feelings people - it's not healthy,) and then, what I need to do, is to say screw it and write anyway! I know that this is easier said than done. But I have a secret weapon - I love writing. There is nothing like that feeling - just like there's nothing like the feeling of reading, or the feeling of drawing, or the feeling of painting... All of these things are different, and all are so amazingly absorbing that you know when they're for you.

That's not to say that every moment of it will be pleasurable - far from it! I veritably turn the air blue with my swearing (and that's just the stuff I don't type!) and I doubt that people who play tennis enjoy slipping on the court; I doubt that people who collect sh** enjoy it when they can't find that limited edition - or when they drop and smash that prized possession. But goddamnit I'm writing anyway! If you enjoy something - do it! (Within legal and moral parameters people please, I'm not going to be blamed for a crime spree.)

Nerd Church

Well, it's that time of the week again - that time when I get all philosolical (philosophical) and sermon-y and give you all something with a bit of moral grit and gristle to chew over for the rest of the week. (Yes, I've just had coffee - and a very nice chocolate cupcake with gooey cream on top - so I'm in a bit of an unusual mood.)



church image courtesy of debspoons at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This week, I've been thinking of politics and all that jazz (I know, I know, but stick with me - for a little while at least,) and realising that politics at the moment is all about the extremes. I don't mean extremism - that's a bit different. I just mean that, here in the UK at least, the middle ground is beginning to feel less and less occupied. Instead, people are firmly left or firmly right. Most ordinary people are veering to the left, whereas the NIMBYs and the Tory heirs are so far on the right they can probably see their ancestor, Attila, coming around the corner.

So, do desperate times call for desperate measures? If you live in Panem, then probably they do. But the UK at the moment is beginning to feel more like Dickens' world than dystopia - and maybe that's worse, because no cataclysmic event has caused this, it simply is. Maybe The Casual Vacancy by J K Rowling demonstrates the way we are now the best - and maybe that's why so many people (particularly critics) disliked it - it's never a pleasant experience to have the mirror show an ugly reflection. And The Casual Vacancy holds up that reflection and then shows the whole damn world our shame. Because let's face it, if you live in a small UK town or village, you know at least some of the people that Rowling describes; we've all met people like that - and hope that we aren't like that.

Friday Fics Fix!

Hey everyone, just a quick Friday Fics Fix for you this week! I thought I'd recommend a fic author for a change, instead of specific fics.

So, I recommend CeliaEquus - a legend of a fic writer, who has written over 300 fics for various fandoms (including a lot of Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) and Harry Potter,) - she writes well, isn't afraid to explore new avenues, and multiple character relationships. And she writes a lot of smut for those of you more pornographically motivated (you know who you are.) Pay attention to her ratings/warnings - nobody read anything too mature for them, please, or your parents will have my arse on a plate (and then someone would write a fic about that and it would just get really bad, really fast - honestly.)

There you have it then, hours of smut, fluff, and alternate universes. Have fun!

Reading Slump

Normally I'm not bothered by reading slumps - but I think I may've got caught in one at the moment. It seems like I'm reading and not finishing anything - which is doing no good for my current Goodreads challenge target of 200 books (I'm at 135 - which is apparently two books behind schedule.)

Oh well, the important part is to enjoy the reading - and to just keep reading. Which is what I'm off to do!

Nerd Church! - The Human Creature

Church image courtesy of debspoons at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I'm sure that, whatever part of the world you live in, you've seen a lot of bad crap in the news this week. Wars and murder, and the refugees. In Europe it's the refugees, or the migrants, or the asylum seekers, or the Syrians, or... you get the picture. Hundreds of people making their way across a continent. And we seem to have forgotten that people have been doing this for hundreds of years - being shunted from one place to another for reasons of safety, or simply the chance that they will earn enough money that their children will never have to go hungry. It's what we do. If you compare the pictures of Jewish people (and others,) leaving Paris in fear of the Nazis with pictures of Syrian men, women, and children crowding onto eerily similar trains at eerily similar stations, you will see what I mean. There is fear and sorrow and grief and love here, but all many governments see is dirt and a money-pit.

I'll leave you, my dear book-nerds, with a quote from The Book Thief - which I've read about three or four times, and am still staggered by the amount of beauty Markus Zusak fills each page with - it's a quote that, like so much of what Zusak rights, is so very true, and sums up what I feel:

"It amazes me what humans can do, even when streams are flowing down their faces and they stagger on, coughing and searching, and finding."

Sorry!

Oops, major lack of posting going on here - even forgot the Friday Fics Fix! But this was probably excusable - I have been v busy with kitty-cat related things. And kitties are awesome! I'll endeavour to return to regular posting soon.

Nerd Church - Books Matter

Hey guys, and welcome back to Nerd Church - that part of the week where I get all moral and philisolophical (known by normal people as philosophical) in relation to all things nerdy and book-y.

This time I'm going to announce a simple effing truth that I think we forget far too often in today's topsy-turvy society:

church image courtesy of debspoons at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Books Matter

I know that a lot of people will know this already - but clearly not everyone. Because if everyone knew and understood that books matter, then the state of affairs that we have in the UK at the moment, with library closures and the downgrading of library services, would not be happening. People had to work so hard in the past to ensure free library services for poorer communities - and with a callous sweep of their destructive fingers, the Tory government is taking away every mode and method of support for communities which need them the most.

It's actually possible that councils throughout the country are breaking the law via the downgrade of library services, and foisting off libraries onto community groups and volunteers.

Guys, books are what can take people from poverty to prosperity - they give hope, magic, knowledge, and inspiration. If we just stand by and let the government erode the things that make Britain a country we would actually want to live in (and don't even get me started on their other poverty-creating measures, as well as their erosion of worker's and individual rights,) then pretty soon the country will look like a Dickens novel - and I don't mean the Christmas celebrations, I mean the workhouses, the starving poor, and the arrogant and unseeing upper classes. We're dangerously close to it as it is. Books matter. People matter. Don't forget it.