Sunday 24 November 2019

Nerd Church - Caffeinated Current Events: What Even Is 2019?

Caffeinated Current Events! Where I drink too much coffee and talk about the stuff going on in the world! That means Trump & Brexit, so this is your fair warning! 

(It'll be as told by me, though, so hopefully bearable!)

Phew! 2019, couldn't you've gone just a little bit easier on us?! 

Crud, after 2016, we've just had one thing after another! Cut us some goddamn slack!

'Caffeinated Current Events' with a steaming coffee mug

...The US is currently being led by a man who, (and I never thought I'd say this,) has less integrity than Nixon.

How is that even possible...? Does anyone know...?

Nixon actually resigned when he got his hand caught in the sleazebag cookie jar - Trump's just flat-out lying and refusing to budge.

...And I don't think even Nixon would've got away with colluding with Russia and bribing Ukraine.

And somehow people still believe he's innocent and that there's some sort of 'conspiracy' against him - newsflash: if there's a conspiracy, it's for him, not against him #JustSaying.

I think America's own Stephen Colbert sums up the situation nicely:

(Warning: mild flashing images, references to sexual assault/rape, adult humour, mild swearing)

At least in the UK we've totally lost all trust in Boris Johnson, and know that he's lying.

- And we're more than willing to laugh at our politicians:

(Warning: flashing images)

...that said, we know he's lying, and a lot of us are still willing to vote for his party... so, not sure if that's better or worse, tbh.

Quick catch-up re: UK politics - Johnson lied to everyone and tried to halt parliament to push through a No-Deal Brexit (which is a BAD thing) and then tried to goad the opposition into calling a General Election.

Boris couldn't call an election because his 'majority' is currently minus 36. 

He kicked most of his party's MPs out of the party for not supporting his No-Deal actions. (Alebit, he let some of them back in, cos he still has one lonely brain cell in there, apparently.)

Eventually, after some measures were passed against the government to prevent a No-Deal Brexit, we now have a General Election set for December 12th 2019.

OK, so the UK is totally f**ked - I know it, you know it, and your great Auntie Tilly knows it (didn't know you even had a great Auntie Tilly, didja? Well apparently you do!)

We just have to decide which brand of f**ked we wanna be - hence the whole General Election deal-y.

If you're not registered to vote btw, you ONLY HAVE A FEW DAYS LEFT TO DO THAT. It won't take ya long, just grab this link, and take 5-10 minutes to get yourself a goddamn voice!

(Unless you're planning on voting for a racist party like UKIP or The Brexit Party - in which case please refrain from registering to vote or going anywhere near a polling station, and sit there and try to figure why you've fallen for such a load of b*llcr*p - please and thank you.)

The UK, as a country, has essentially moved to that hysterical laughter phase beyond the point of no-return.

...but we also have to have a Christmas election. And most of our polling stations are in Church halls, village halls, schools, etc.

Basically, we're gonna be fighting the Christmas tree and the Nativity scene to get into the cr*ppy plastic booth and pick up our pencils (yep, we still vote with pencils - entirely fraud-proof *shifty glances*)

Still, this is supposed to be a funny post! 

So have the details of some random political sh** I've said lately, which will hopefully amuse you:

TV News Person: 
*refers to Labour's manifesto as radical*

Does radical mean something else in England?

Well, he does wanna re-nationalise stuff that was nationalised in the 70s.

Yeah, but it's not like he's saying we need to nationalise Marks and Spencer's! Radical is like... outlaw whistling, put a penguin in charge, and behead the monarchy, not 'let's try this thing that didn't work several decades ago.'

dividing line

If we lived in England, people would probably expect us to vote Tory.

They don't let people who like to shout 'Come the revolution!' vote Conservative.
dividing line
Nicola Sturgeon: 
*on TV talking about Scots independence*


**(Reminder: I'm Welsh)

Have you registered to vote?
Do you think we're f**ked?
Talk to me! 😀💬

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Last updated: 18th March 2020


  1. Well at least Canada’s doing alright! We re-elected Justin Trudeau as PM, so at least we don’t have to deal with the Conservatives for now. That being said, the results were troubling, especially out West, so hopefully we can get our shit together too!

    1. Canada dammit we need you to keep stuff together! We're all rooting for you! XD <3

  2. I found this interesting to read politics everywhere is laughable at the moment 🙈. I just hope 2020 is better! Thank you for sharing xx
    Lauren |


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