Sunday 23 July 2023

Nerd Church - Watching Tennis With Depression


Warning: As you probably figured out from the title, this post discusses Depression.

Disclaimer Time: I'm not any kind of medical, psychological, or mental health professional. These are my own experiences - nothing more, nothing less.

Title: Watching Tennis With Depression. Background: large yellow tennis ball on green background

I love watching tennis.

Like I love it.

It's the one sport that I've followed regularly and consistently since I was a kid.

And for a British kid, there's nothing bigger in tennis than the Wimbledon Championships.

But... I couldn't summon much enthusiasm for watching it this year.

- Nothing to do with the Championships! They were excellent.

But for me - and for no real reason at all - the enthusiasm, the interest, the love wasn't present.

Depression sucks.

Depression takes the things you enjoy - the things that help to make you you, the things that help to make the pain fade and that make up the good parts of this weird thing we call life - and makes you not enjoy them, any more.

It's not a constant symptom - not for me, anyway. It comes and goes.

(And before you say it - yes, I'm sure it's more than just having an off-day or not being in the mood for the thing. It feels entirely different.)

Unfortunately, over the last few weeks, this lack of enjoyment symptom has had its switch flicked very much to the On! position.

Just in time for Wimbledon.

And the very fact that it was such a struggle to enjoy something that I know I love was... it's like watching yourself being eroded. 

It's like banging on the glass from a sound-proof room inside your own head, helpless to do anything to fix it.

Basically: it's horrible.

But here's the thing - the more it happens, the more upset it makes you, and the more upset it makes you, the more it happens.

It's a really sh**ty loop to be stuck in.

I don't really have any answers as to how you get out of it.

But I did manage to push the feeling back, just enough, to enjoy the men's singles final at Wimbledon.

(...For those who don't follow tennis, that means it's one dude vs one other dude. It's not like... some sort of weird The Bachelor take-off 😅)

I didn't enjoy it as much as I'm sure the epic Djokovic vs Alcaraz final deserved, but I did enjoy it.

See? I know, objectively, that it was epic. I just... enjoyed it as much as I'd have enjoyed a much lesser-quality first round match in other years.

BUT - I did enjoy it!

And that's the part that matters! 

(...I'm actually an eternal optimist, I'm just ill. 😅)

Do you watch tennis?

Have you ever had to struggle with not enjoying things that you know you enjoy? (*hug for you*)

Talk to me! 💖💬

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Title: Watching Tennis With Depression. Image: bouncing tennis ball on green grass


  1. "it's like watching yourself being eroded.

    It's like banging on the glass from a sound-proof room inside your own head, helpless to do anything to fix it."

    If it helps, I love your writing. You managed to convey such a powerful image and to make us understand what it's like, even if no one who doesn't live with depression will ever be able to actually "understand".


    1. Aw, thank you Roberta! (I was worried that it would come across as too melodramatic, tbh!)


  2. Oh Cee, I am so sorry for this situation but am glad you were able to partly enjoy men's singles! And yes, I know the feeling. For me this most often occurs if I'm having a panic attack and something I enjoy is on (like Survivor). You really know that you're not feeling yourself when you can't enjoy the things you love.

  3. That's what's so insidious about depression. It takes away things, like you said, that you love. And it's not something you can just turn off. And I think it's hard for people to understand (like a lot of mental illness) if they haven't experienced it (or aren't particularly empathic lol).

    1. Yes! (And lol @ the empathy part! Yes, yes, yes!)

  4. That feeling sucks, when you know you should be enjoying something but you just can't. I'm glad you were able to at least enjoy some of the tennis <3


Comments? I love comments! Talk to me nerdlets!