Words Hurt

16-22 May is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK. May is also Mental Health Month in the US.

As I've said in this week's previous posts, mental health is a very individualistic thing - if any of this doesn't apply to you, then it's OK.

Also, often it's not what's said, it's how it's said. 

Do what works for you, and your situation.

I've noticed that people - well-meaning, lovely, kind, people - have no idea what to say to someone with depression.

In order to fill the void of silence (not knowing that it doesn't always need to be filled,) they stick their foot in their mouth and say things that aren't that helpful.

Don't get me wrong, I know you're trying to help (most of you anyway.) But maybe you could use some help knowing what not to say?

That way we all know each other a little better, and we can stop the misunderstandings, myths, and stigma surrounding mental health.






Here are just a few of my personal (least) favourite things for people to say to me:

• Cheer up/Smile/Don't look so glum - I hadn't thought of that! Wow, I'm now cured. Not.

• You must feel better - you're smiling - One smile doesn't make everything bad go away, please don't remind me of that. Please don't make me feel bad for smiling.

• Come on - Like 'cheer up,' only less specific. I don't want to slap you, but I will. This is not my fault, and you're implying that it is.

• But you're OK now - Really? This is news to me.

• Everyone gets bad days/is tired now and then/gets PMS - Imagine a kitten biting you. Now imagine a full-grown, and very hungry, lion biting you. It's kind of the same thing. But lions hurt a lot more.

• You look fine - I don't feel it.

• You are a bit pale though - thanks for that. I feel like a million dollars now.

• This has gone a long time now - Really? Funny, I hadn't noticed. I haven't been living with this every day or anything.

I hope that's given you some idea of what the odd careless phrase can mean - again, I'm not trying to be critical - just to bring things out into the open a little more.

And the more we talk about this, the better it will be. This is how we end the stigma around mental health (and believe me, it's there,) and get to a place where everyone can start to feel better.

Overall though, just keep trying. Keep loving. Keep going.

Like this post? Try these:

• Colour Me Happy
• Mini-Review! - Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig
• The View From Both Sides

Friday Fics Fix! - Just Go With It

Warning: I had an excuse to use Sherlock gifs.

I'm not going to sugar-coat it - this week's fic is pretty out-there.

And it's Sherlockian. Which should tell you a lot.

(You know what? Said like that 'Sherlockian' sounds like a country... or maybe a cult.

Luckily, I know the Sherlock fandom well enough to know that the vast majority of them will take being called a cult as a compliment.

The rest of them may very well see it as an aspiration.)

via GIPHY

(Proof of the randomness and magnificence of this fandom.)

Anyhow, the main bizarre-ness of this fic is that it's based heavily on fic-ception.

(Fangirling note:

'Fic-ception' is a term that I use to describe fics which contain fics-within-fics, which in turn affect the main fic.

I know, sounds confusing. Just trust me. It's basically a fic where one of the themes/tropes is fanfiction.)

via GIPHY

There's some sexual content - including rape fantasy - here.

So - do I have to say it? - 18+ only. Right, I've warned you.

Strangely though, this is actually not as graphic, sexy-times-wise, as most fanfiction I read. There's no full-on doing-it in this fic.

Don't let that fool you though - this definitely has sexual content and mature themes.

via GIPHY

Basically, John finds fanfiction about him and Sherlock - dodgy rape-fantasy fanfiction - and it makes him think about Sherlock in a whole other light.

Then Sherlock finds the fanfiction on John's computer, and sexiness ensues.

via GIPHY

Told'ya it was weird. On the scale of fanfiction weirdness though, it's probably still pretty normal.

(Ah 'normal' - how I miss you.)

via GIPHY

This week's fic is:

Lost an Entire Wednesday by beltainefaerie

Enjoy my fellow (over 18!) Sherlockians!



Like this post? Try these:

• Friday Fics Fix! - Fic-ception Edition
• Friday Fics Fix! - A Cat's Tale

Comics Wrap Up - Get Up and Go!

Film Trailers


Yet more X-Men: Apocalypse film clips/TV ads/stuff like that :) Woop!

Look at Prof X's little frowny face in that one :(

D'aww ;)

Anyhow, on to the next one...

Love Quicksilver at the end of this next one...

...he makes me laugh :)

Graphic Novels


I haven't actually read or reviewed any graphic novels this week.


But in the spirit of Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK, and Mental Health Month in the US, I'm going to refer you lot to Echoes by Joshua Hale Fialkov (UK - US)

I reviewed this last month, and it's excellent.

It features a schizophrenic protagonist and challenges pre-conceptions about mental illness, while being damned creepy t'boot.

You can check out my review here.




Other Stuff


I read on Galley Cat that a Black Widow movie might not be such a long-shot after all. Happy book nerd :)

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Johanna @ Comics Worth Reading talked about the single-issue follow-ups to Volume One of 'The Beauty.'

(If you want to read my review of The Beauty, Vol 1, check it out here.)

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Also from Johanna @ Comics Worth Reading is this post about a potential title-role for Suicide Squad's Harley Quinn.

Like this post? Try these:

• Comics Wrap Up - Ever Since We Met
• Comics Wrap Up - Run Neon Tiger

The View From Both Sides

16-22 May is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK. May is also Mental Health Month in the US.


You probably know by now (I hark on about it enough) that I have depression/anxiety. If you didn't know that, then I've just told you.

You probably don't know that my grandmother was bipolar, and that my mother suffered anxiety/depression as a chemically-induced side-effect to cancer medication.



My friends, I have lived life on both sides of the fence.

I know how frustrating it can be to care for someone with mental health problems.

Being a carer in general can be so frustrating sometimes, and many carers - like myself - develop mental health problems. (It wasn't the only factor to my illness - but it was a big factor; it's hard to stay healthy in that situation.)

But here's the thing: you have to let yourself be frustrated.

I know that sounds weird. They're ill, after all. But frustration is a natural reaction to an impossible and distressing situation.

You feel guilty for being frustrated, and, yes, you sometimes even think that you hate them.

You don't hate them, don't apologise for the thought - you're frustrated, and probably tired and worried; you hate the situation. 

The thought is your brain attempting to process. Just understand that it's not true. You don't hate them.

You're not a bad person for feeling like this.

But you can't squash down what you feel - it only hurts more. That's what I did. I stomped down on the guilt, the worry, the fear... it doesn't end well.

Accept that you feel like this, and that it doesn't make you love the person any less.

Unfortunately, there is no quick-fix for caring for someone with mental health problems.





Here though, are a few tips from someone who has lived both roles. Please only use them if they'll work for you, mental illness is incredibly individual and not everything works for everyone.

• Frustration is natural. Vent to a third party or in a word document that you can delete afterwards if you want to. Don't take your frustrations out on the ill-person if you can help it (sometimes you can't. Apologise, pick yourself up, and move on.)

• Sometimes you just have to agree with someone in order to alleviate their distress 'Yes, I've paid for the fabric. Don't worry. It's sorted.' (There was no fabric. There was no need for fabric. She hadn't ordered fabric. But I couldn't leave her at that level of distress.) ...

• ...But sometimes you have to disagree with them to get the same results - 'No. It's fine. There's nothing there, I promise.'

• Understand that they do not mean to say horrible things to you or become physical. It is the illness. Not them.

• Hugs and hand-holding make the world a better place. And often help more than anything else could.

• Avoid the words 'cheer up' and similar phrases. I'm going to scream the next time someone tells me that.

• The little things mean a lot.

• Take care of your own mental and physical health. This is uber-important (and, unfortunately, often difficult.)

• Hold onto love (it doesn't have to be romantic) with both hands.

Like this post? Try these:

• Colour Me Happy
• Mini-Review! - Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig

Mini-Review! - Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig

16-22 May is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK. May is also Mental Health Month in the US.

Title: Reasons To Stay Alive

Author: Matt Haig

Genre: Non-fiction

Amazon: UK - USA

Verdict:

The main importance of this book is that it exists.

It exists because Matt Haig is alive, when depression could so easily have taken him from the world.

He kept going. He has loved, laughed, and lived, and continues to do so.

So he gives us this - 'Reasons To Stay Alive' - in the hope of adding another spark of light to the end of the metaphorical tunnel.

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The main importance of this book is that it exists.

It exists for people like me - who need to continually add weapons to our tool-kit against depression.

Not all of the tips will help everyone. There are things which will help, and things which won't. Do what works for you.

It exists for people who care about someone with a mental illness. To give a glimpse of what they may be feeling.

It exists for society. Because we need to speak out. To stop the stigma that still exists and haunts us.

It's not an easy read in places. It's an intense topic - let's face it.

And I took a lot of breaks between chapters, to try and let myself absorb what I was reading without overwhelming myself. Sometimes you need processing time.

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The main importance of this book is that it exists.

It exists because the pain is not endless - even though it often feels like it.

Buy Now UK – Buy Now USA – Goodreads – Author's Site

Liked this post? Try these:

• Nerd Church - Celebrate the Small Stuff
• Colour Me Happy

Colour Me Happy

16-22 May is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK. May is also Mental Health Month in the US.



Before this turns into a whole debate: 'colouring' is the British spelling, 'coloring' is the spelling in America (and some other countries.) I'm using the British spelling, because I'm British.



Adult colouring is officially a 'thing' now.

I personally think that that's fab. You know why? Because it's the world saying, screw it - this is fun, and fun is good.

Pleasure (that doesn't hurt anyone,) is good. Colour is good. Beauty is good.

Art (and it is art, no two pictures look the same when you're done,) is good.

Also, because it's good for mental health - really.

And not just the mental health of those of us with mental illnesses.

Everyone on this peculiar green 'n' blue orb of ours has mental health, just as we all have physical health. So everyone can benefit from a bit of a chillax, and a spark of fun.

Taking care of your mental health is a good thing, even if you don't have a diagnosed condition, just as exercise is good for your physical health whether or not you've had a health scare.




Of course there are, believe it or not, people who disagree with the trend being labelled as a form of therapy or meditation.

I personally think that that's more than a little pretentious of them.




If something helps you, then it helps you.

Only you can know whether you find it relaxing, or a form of self-expression, or a general mood-lifter.

They are not actually feeling what you feel. Do what works for you. (Which, incidentally, is my general advice for any mental health treatment, or leisure/pleasure activities.)

A lot of people say that colouring helps them with 'mindfulness' - I don't subscribe to the mindfulness philosophy; it just doesn't help me in any way.

I blame my slightly hippy-ish parents; they've inadvertently given me an aversion to anything Buddhism, yoga, or meditation-related. I just can't be dealing with it. It's probably pretty much my only way to rebel.

But if mindfulness works for you, then use it.

Anyways, I quite like the odd colouring-in session myself. Not as much as some people, but I do enjoy it.

Although, I rarely finish a picture or pattern because I have a habit of blending in colours and getting a bit 'artsy' - and then I get distracted by other pics, and decide to start another one.

But that's another great thing - no-one is telling me that I have to finish, or that it has to be done in a certain way.

That leaves you free to find out what you want to do, and what you think is pretty, or just fun, or whatever.

And sometimes, having even that small semblance of control in a situation where you feel unbearably helpless and worthless, is a tremendous plus-point.




Anyhow, here are a few of my favourite colouring books -

Sherlock: The Mind Palace

Amazon: UK - US

This is my favourite - it has a mixture of patterns and pictures, and you can colour in Benedict Cumberbatch's face (and also Martin Freeman's.)

What more could you want, really?

 There's also the opportunity to look out for clues in the pictures. The pictures themselves are in chronological order for the series - which is pretty cool.

So, if you're a rabid Sherlockian (and let's face it, most Sherlockians are rabid,) then I'm sure you'll love it.

I really love it - it gives me a chance to be creative and nerdy, at the same time.






Vintage Patterns: Creative Colouring For Grown-Ups

Amazon: UK - US





This is mainly a pattern book - but some of the patterns are nice and big and involve things like birdies :) You may have noticed, I like birds.

Also, when I eventually finish this, which may be never, I plan to cut out some of the patterns and use them as craft-paper for card-making.

I love card-making, but it can be quite expensive to get nice pattern-paper, so I may even sell myself a few bob in the process, and be all eco-friendly by recycling, or upcycling, or whatever its called these days (I'm not old, honestly.)

Harry Potter Colouring Book

Amazon: UK - US

Any Harry Potter fan will smile at this - and it's so artsy! It really is a beautiful book, and has a mix of pictures and patterns, including lots of magical-ily stuff ;)

And who doesn't need some magic in their lives?

So, if colouring's your thing, go out there and do it!

Like this post? Try these:

• Nerd Church - The Importance of Chillaxation
• Nerd Church - Celebrate the Small Stuff



Nerd Church - Celebrate the Small Stuff

You know what I've figured out? Everything means something.

Seriously, butterflies are small, aren't they, and look at how much joy and beauty they bring to the world. Cupcakes are small, and I enjoy the hell out of those.

The small stuff, then, actually feels like the big stuff.

I know that better than most - when you've got depression/anxiety, you sometimes feel like even the tiniest problems are an ocean away from solvable.

A chip on your favourite mug is just proof that the world hates you. An awkward conversation with someone you haven't spoken to in years is proof (to you, at least,) that you fail as a person. Not being able to find something you're looking for at the shops is proof that you can't be trusted with even the smallest of tasks.



But, somehow, these are the parts of the small stuff that you have to leave behind. Or at least downgrade in your head from BIG RED PROBLEM, to 'meh, that's a pain - but I can fix it.'

I know that that's easier said than done. But I find one of the ways to do it is by paying more attention to the good small stuff.

Cats have the sweetest little noses. Cupcakes are tasty. Butterflies are beautiful. You have other mugs. There's other stuff at the shops.

via GIPHY

(Because... Internet.)

And your small victories?

The fact that you got through that conversation (terribly, awkwardly, but you got through it, unless you're still talking, of course.)

The fact that you found something to smile at today - that bird, that flower, that book.

The fact that you did something - no matter how small - towards some bigger goal.

via GIPHY

(Who doesn't need Brendon Urie being random in gif-format?)

 

Over the last few weeks, I've been lucky enough to reach a few milestones with this blog:

• Over 500 followers on Twitter
• Over 10k page-views
• My first followers on Bloglovin

And you know what? This may still be a small blog - but it's growing. And I did this myself. And I'm going to celebrate it.

And thank you to everyone - honestly.

I don't think you understand just how much a simple 'like,' follow, retweet, or page-view, can help bring a smile to my face. It's proof that there are people out there who care. And that rocks.

(Special mentions for my lovely fellow-bloggers, for my bestest bestie, and for my No 1 Twitter follower in terms of 'likes,' Arbind Paonam.) 

It may seem small, but the small things? They matter.



Nerd Church is a weekly post where I go off on one about... pretty much whatever is going on in my head that week (but I like to fancy it up by calling it 'issues.') Feel free to continue the discussion, but as always, please link back here ;)



Like this post? Try these:

• Nerd Church - The Importance of Chillaxation
• Nerd Church - What To Do When The Mean Girl Finds Success