(Warning: as you can probably tell, this post is about Depression. It also includes brief references to ableism, suicidal thoughts, suicidality, and passive suicidality.)
Disclaimer time!
I am not a mental health or medical professional.
I am someone with personal experience of Depression and Anxiety, and this post is based on my own experiences only.
Mental health problems are intensely personal and therefore have a range of complex, varied, and valid experiences.
If you need help - PLEASE seek help. Getting in touch with a doctor or other help is scary, but so totally worth it - YOU are worth it. Please take care.
If you're in the UK or ROI, you can talk to The Samaritans about anything at any time. Check out their contact details here.
If you're not in the UK or ROI, you can check out this list of international suicide helplines.