Sunday, 23 June 2019

Nerd Church - Anxiety: Worrying About Sh** I Actually Don't Care About



(Warning: this post discusses Anxiety (which you probably figured out) and Depression)


If you're worried about paying the bills when you've got no money in the bank, that's logical.

Likewise, worrying about a friend who's been going through a tough time, or feeling anxious before you give a speech, is totally understandable.




'Anxiety Worrying About Sh** I Don't Actually Care About' title image w/ multi-coloured stripes on the right-hand side



Anxiety, though?

Anxiety blows the normal sh** out of proportion, while adding some completely illogical sh** t'boot.




Thanks to my lovely Depression/Anxiety combo, sometimes I find myself worrying about sh** that... I actually don't care about.



I worry about where the toilets are in restaurants, even when I don't need the loo, because What If I end up needing to go?

The logical answer: if I need to go, then I'll either find the loos or ask someone where they are.

I actually don't care where the loos are right now. Why am I worrying about it?




I worry about finding my seat in a crowded room because What If I pick the 'wrong' one? (Whatever the f**k that means.)

The logical answer: there's no f**king seating plan, what the hell am I talking about?

I actually don't care where I'm gonna sit. I'll have a seat - it's all I need.





I worry a lot about upsetting other people, about being awkward, about getting in people's way and expecting too much of others.

Part of that is good old Depression putting it's two-pennies in and telling me I should avoid taking up other people's precious time and attention, and above all I MUST NOT UPSET PEOPLE.

Part of it is Anxiety's 'happy' little habit of reminding me of EVERY AWKWARD SOCIAL INTERACTION I'VE EVER HAD.





If you've been through this, you know I'm not kidding.

Anxiety's like:

'Hey look! You said exactly the wrong thing and now she hates you! 

That reminds me - remember when you were 14, and the teacher asked you the time, and you read it wrong because of the dyscalculia you didn't know you had!

You couldn't even tell the time, you loser! You read the hands the wrong way round! That was SUPER-awkward!'

...Anxiety is the a**hole that keeps minute track of every awkward moment of your life so that it can use it against you.







So I've been trying to work on reminding myself that a lot of these things don't actually matter.

It's OK if I don't enjoy every single moment of an event or a trip. The world won't end.

It's OK if I'm nervous at meeting new people. But if they don't like me, that's on them.

It's OK if I'd rather have five minutes to sit and think my own little thoughts, rather than charge onto the dance-floor when I actually don't like the song, and the lights are hurting my eyes.

It's OK to change my mind and charge onto the dance-floor a minute later. It's OK to not change my mind and continue sitting there.





It's not easy though.

Because Anxiety sucks, and wants to pump me full of worry and adrenaline over going to pay for something in a shop or figuring out which door I need to use in and out of a building.





If you ever feel like this, dearest nerdlets, then you're not alone - and you're a goddamn rock star.

Take care of yourselves!




If you're struggling with ANYTHING emotionally or mentally my dear nerdlets, PLEASE get help.


There are also suicide prevention and/or mental health helplines you can use if you need them.

And, if you're in the UK or ROI, you can talk to The Samaritans at any time.








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Have you experienced Anxiety?
(Yes, that's an awkward question - I couldn't think of any others!)
Talk to me! 😅💬




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Last updated: 15th July 2019

4 comments:

  1. I totally relate to worrying about where the bathroom is, and this is mostly because my anxiety presents itself in symptoms such as nausea and stomach aches. Now whenever I am in a public place, I have a crippling fear of throwing up in front of everyone. It makes eating in public very hard as well.

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    1. Ugh, that sucks! *hugs* As someone who has thrown up in the cinema toilets, I can however tell you that people are surprisingly nice about it. Awkward af, not gonna lie. But I got through it! ;) <3

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  2. I get this 100%. I also have anxiety and depression and the combo can be hell. For me, a lot of it is body issues so I worry way too much about what I look like, if my shirt is bunched up and possibly showing off my stomach. Sometimes I get anxiety getting up to go to the bathroom in a restaurant if it's too far away and I have to walk through all the people and getting in the way of waitstaff. I've been trying to just stop and literally think to myself, "Okay, stop it. No one cares. You don't care what they're wearing or what they're doing."

    This is such a relatable post.

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    1. Argh, that's no fun! *hugs* I get nervous about getting in the way of wait-staff etc. too - I think that's more of me not wanting to take up space, again, though.

      Although, in my case I'm short so people tend to shove me out of the way... so it's like a semi-logical fear I guess! Lol ;) <3

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