Warning: this post discusses hatred, hate crimes, persecution, and bigotry
In remembrance of the Colorado Springs victims*:
Raymond Green Vance (He/Him)
Kelly Loving (She/Her)
Daniel Aston (He/Him)
Derrick Rump (He/Him)
Ashley Paugh (She/Her)
- and in honour of those facing all forms of discrimination and human rights violations in Qatar*, and also around the world.
*links contain disturbing and/or upsetting content
Is it because I look different, act different, think different, to you.
Why do you hate me?
Is it because you don't understand me, and that which you don't understand you fear; you were taught by other fearful people that fear is a sign of weakness, and so, in your missplaced shame, you turn that fear to something which those same, pitiful, fearful, people, tell you is better.
Why do you hate me? Is it because you know you're wrong, so like a doubting zealot you must wrap your insecurity in harm, a stick to beat us with, and quiet the questions in your brain.
Why do you hate me?
Is it because the existence of someone living a life that isn't exactly like yours highlights the things you don't like about yourself.
Why do you hate me? Is it because you wish you could live differently.
Why do you hate me?
Is it because you think that a god who would damn someone for love or gender - a god who is a complete jerk, in short - is one worth worshipping. (FYI: if there is a god, I'd like to think they're not actually a jerk.)
Why do you hate me? Is it because my god (or lack of one,) is not the same as your god, and you think freedom of religion should only apply to your religion. That I should have to follow your religion's rules even though it's not my religion.
Why do you hate me? Is it because I don't comply entirely to your beliefs, and that implies that you don't have power over me, body and soul.
Why do you hate me? Is it because it implies that your way is not the only way - and if it's not the only way, then it might not be the right way, and you don't have enough faith to think that through.
Why do you hate me?
Is it because you envy me in not complying to a life, an identity, that is not mine.
Why do you hate me? Is it because you envy my freedom, my struggle, my determination, to be myself, so much so that you wish to take that freedom, that joy, from me.
Why do you hate me? Is it because of what I tell you about yourself, about how you do not have to live in a narrow way, but you have no courage to follow your heart, no matter where it leads.
Why do you hate me?
Is it because you believe the spiteful lies spread about me by other small-minded people, despite them having no basis in reality, are you really so desperate to find reasons to think of me as less than human.
Why do you hate me? Is it because I show the lies you were fed were wrong, that I am human, that I am innocent as you or more so, and that you could not bear to feel the guilt when you realised the truth, so simply double-down on your false resolve.
Why do you hate me?
Is it because I thrive despite the obstacles placed in my way, is it because I keep going, keep trying, despite odds that you could never cope with, despite hatred hurled at me that you could never withstand. Is it because you're scared that I'm stronger than you are.
Why do you hate me? Is it because you cannot face the guilt of allowing those obstacles to be there, so must create a scenario where I deserve to be persecuted.
Why do you hate me?
Is it because someone hurt you and you're unwilling or unable to hurt them back (it wouldn't make you feel better, anyway,) so instead you take that hurt and you wield it like a weapon against someone over whom you feel powerful.
Why do you hate me? Is it because you don't like yourself, and you want to transfer that feeling to others, so that they know how it feels. Do you want the world to burn, simply because you do.
Why do you hate me? Does it make you feel big, feel powerful, feel in control of someone else in a chaotic universe - the ambitions of the smallest of people to hurt someone who has never hurt them, and who cannot fight back in a way that would stop you.
Why do you hate me? Does the adrenaline give you a cheap thrill as the rage slowly poisons you from the inside.
Why do you hate me?
I never did a thing to you. I've never hurt you. I've never hated you.
So please, tell me, why do you hate me?
Nerd Church is going on break in December, and will be back on 15th January 2023
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Reading some of the interviews from the family members of the Colorado Springs shooter just shows that hate breeds hate. The fact that his own father was concerned that the shooter was gay was just disturbing. This was a wonderfully written piece, Cee. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks Em. <3
DeleteI saw that - it's like... your kid just *killed* people you ghoul. *sighs*