Sunday 5 November 2023

Nerd Church - The Writer Diaries: The Words Need To Be Out There, Somewhere

Warning: brief references to Depression and Anxiety

A lot of the time, when I write, it's not so much a choice as an exorcism.

(Metaphorically, ofc 😅 )

Don't get me wrong - I love writing.

But sometimes it's the case that, if I don't do it, these words are gonna rattle around my head and drive me to distraction.

Not necessarily in a bad way. It's just... they gotta come out, y'know?

Title: The Words Need To Be Out There, Somewhere

I have to get them written down somewhere in order to be able to think about something - anything - else again.

Sometimes even that's not enough - sometimes they have to be published on the interwebs in order to give my echoing head some peace and quiet. Hence the whole 'blogging for 9 years' thing.

And sometimes, if it's something that I can't get written quickly - something that requires a longer amount of effort and the space to grow into whatever it's meant to be...

Look, I have no patience.

Like, zero, zilch, nada, dim, nought, nowt.

I also have limited time and energy and want to one day finish my novel - are you seeing the problem?

(Before somebody asks - no I am not doing NaNoWriMo. Way too much pressure on myself.)

And because I write in fragments these days (due to my effed up Depression/Anxiety brain,) things tend to... take different directions... as they go along...

...and then previous fragments don't necessarily make sense any more.

Which is fine! Like, I know I'm not the one in charge here.

If anyone's in charge, it's the Awen (or maybe one of my characters... non-writers, please don't judge me!)

But I can't shake the feeling that I'm never going to finish this thing. 

Because every time I think I've got some kind of a hold on the plot, the vibes, the characters, everything kind of... shifts.

It's hard to explain. Especially since it's so very, very, different from how it started way back when I was a teenager...

Wow, I've literally been writing this thing, on and off, for half my life at this point, and I don't know if that's admirable or terrifying.

It's not like I can just stop - it's one of those things, y'know? That won't leave you alone?

Even when the going's painfully slow (like, a sentence a day levels of slow,) it's got this little corner in my head where it sits and refuses to leave.

It's one of those things that need to be out there, somewhere, in the world.

Or at the very least finished.

...I just hope one day I can make that happen.

Writers - do you ever find that you have to get the thing out into the world somehow?

Non-writers - do you think writers are as weird as we worry we are?

Talk to me! 👍💬

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Previous 'The Writer Diaries' Posts:

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  1. "Wow, I've literally been writing this thing, on and off, for half my life at this point, and I don't know if that's admirable or terrifying."
    Both? Not helpful, I know 😉.
    But there are so many stories like yours - I mean stories of writers who have spent literal years crafting a single story who stubbornly kept doing its own thing despite the author's best efforts - so I don't think you're weird 🙂.

    1. Lol, both and neither is very much on-brand for me ;)

      Also, not weird for *that* reason ;)

  2. I feel this with essay writing. I too write in fragments and then realize when I put it all together that some strands are following a completely different thesis lol.

    1. Lol - moving sections around so that it makes more sense is a godsend with blogging. I did it in this post, actually. ;)

      This is like - 'I thought that a plot point happened because of A, but A actually doesn't exist because of B and C. Also this character has now decided to do something entirely off-script and I can't get them to stop - someone send help!' Lol :)


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