Author:
Abbie Rushton
Genre:
Young Adult, Contemporary, LGBTQ+ (M/F; F/F)
A
few starting notes:
If anyone with, or with first-hand experience of, selective mutism or OCD, has reviewed this book, please let me know - I'd love to leave a link to your review.
I'm not sure how I feel about this book.
There were parts of it I truly loved and parts which... I just wasn't comfortable with. There are a lot of problems with this book.
So prepare yourself nerdlets, we're gonna discuss some sh**.
(Seriously, if you need the loo or whatever, go now and come back, because once I've started I'm not stopping.)
Premise:
Megan hasn't spoken in months. Because there are things people don't know - things about the day when everything changed, the day she stopped talking.
But then Jasmine started at school. Beautiful, bright, bubbly, Jasmine... and for the first time in a long while, Megan might just want to talk again.
Best
bits:
I loved that Megan's problems aren't simple.
Too often, depictions of mental health problems are put down to textbook examples, and left there.
The truth is that everyone's problems affect them differently, and that sometimes conditions combine to have a joint effect on someone's life.
I also liked Jasmine - I've seen a lot of criticism of her character, but I liked her. Yes, she's pretty idealised. But she's also not perfect.
And, honestly, the hope that there are people like her in the world - people who will accept you as you are - is not a bad thing. If you're a queer teen, and/or a teen with mental health problems, that hope might just be a lifeline.
I also thought the relationship between Megan and her mother was realistic and beautiful. They struggled a lot with how to relate to each other, but there's an amazing undercurrent of love between them.
And that part of Megan - written in bold, large, italics - which tells her she ruins everything, which she has to push past, push against, push through? Yes. I've been there. And it felt... real.
It's also exceptionally readable - the prose is skilled and involving throughout, and you really do want to know what happens.
There's just a lot of heart to this book, y'know? And that's great.
Not
so great bits:
First things first, there's a lot of potentially distressing/difficult to deal with content, here:
There's also some swearing, drink-driving, and underage drinking (which you shouldn't do, in case you were wondering.)
I have problems with this book, nerdlets, both in terms of queer representation, and mental health representation.
Let's start with queer rep:
Megan, who is lesbian (although the word is never used, at least not as an identity rather than a slur, she has no attraction to men/boys,) goes on a date with a boy - Luke.
Now, it's entirely true that sometimes questioning lesbian teens go on dates with boys - BUT A NON-LESBIAN WOMAN WRITING THIS JUST FEELS FREAKING AWKWARD.
I don't know Abbie Rushton's orientation, but she mentions her male fiancée in the acknowledgements, so at the time of writing she didn't identify as lesbian.
The whole date felt a) forced and b) a gimmick - 'look! She's not attracted to him! Look at the lesbian!'
She also has Megan kiss Luke and enjoy it - again, if Rushton were lesbian and understood the issues at play here, then fine.
As it is? I don't think she understands enough to be writing these things in. #SorryNotSorry.
That whole plot-point just feels unnecessary and awkward.
Oh, and there's a male character who only exists for the homophobic bullies to pick on. We're not even told if he's actually queer, and we learn nothing about him as a person. #JustNo.
Now for the mental health rep.
This is disappointing, because there is good mental health rep here, but there's also poor mental health rep:
Selective mutism is rarely a result of traumatic events*, and certainly the way in which Megan's mutism descends at the event, fully formed, and stays more-or-less stable until Jasmine shows up...? I have a limited knowledge of mutism, but this seems reductive and unrealistic to me. Please correct me if I'm mistaken; like I said, my knowledge of this is limited.
*where it is the result of traumatic events, it's usually a symptom of PTSD. PTSD is never mentioned in the book, and if this was the author's intent, then I don't feel it was put over clearly enough.
Verdict:
Do I know how to feel about this book now? Nope.
Look, part of me was just really connected to a queer girl with mental health problems... please don't judge me for that.
And parts of this were good. But the representation fell down on more than one front.
That's fine if everyone's going into this with eyes wide open... but there are so many misconceptions about mental health and being queer out there already, that it could do more harm than good.
Buy Now UK – Buy Now USA – Goodreads
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