Nerd Church - Victims of the System

(Warning: this post discusses a child killing case from the UK committed by a mentally ill teenager, and issues surrounding this such as stigma and failings in mental health care.)



Diminished Responsibility is a defence in English and Welsh law.

It means that the person who has committed the crime is not in control of their own actions, and is usually used in mental health-related circumstances.

At the same time it recognises that there is some responsibility on the part of the person committing the crimes - if only that they did not take all reasonable precautions to prevent this or a similar situation from occurring.

Nerd Church - I Know You Mean Well...

Warning: this post contains discussions of homophobia and f**k-ups by well-meaning allocishet people.

Pride month may have come to an end, but those of us who are LGBTQ+ are LGBTQ+ all year round.

(And pride season pretty much continues all summer anyhow - due to scheduling issues.)

Something I’ve noticed since I came out last year is well-meaning allocishet* people put their ever-loving feet in it on a pretty regular basis.

This isn’t out of malice – it’s more like a failure to listen and understand.

*Allocishet = allosexual, cisgendered, heterosexual. Basically, non-LGBTQ+.

Allosexual means feels sexual attraction (i.e. not asexual or asexual-spectrum,) cisgendered means identifies as your birth gender, heterosexual is only attracted to the opposite sex.

So the term allocishet refers to people who aren’t in any way covered by the umbrella of queer or LGBTQ+.

Nerd Church - Some Thoughts on Finsbury Park

The terrorist attack on theFinsbury Park Mosque broke my heart.

I'm so sorry. I know it might seem very little consolation, but I am. As a white woman, a Welsh woman, and a British citizen – my heart is broken.

Nerd Church - Not Worth Less

Disasters happen. But when they appear to have been preventable? Justice needs to be done.

At this stage - and thank God, I did A-level Law, and I know how to dance around this country's libel laws - it appears that the horrific loss of life at Grenfell Tower could have been avoided, or at the very least reduced.

Nerd Church - No-One Wins

How do we even define victory in 2017?

Because I'm not sure I know any more. No-one wins.

I don't just mean in the British election - although, there was no least-worst option there.

I mean overall. No-one wins. We're all lost and headed nowhere fast.

(Except for the Nazis - and they're the ones we don't want to win.)

Nerd Church - OK UK, We're F**ked

Who do you vote for when there is no least-worst option?

I'm damned if I know; but for the sake of being a helpful little Bookish Rebel, I'm going to try to go through the options with you!

(Aren't you lucky?! ...What do you mean 'no?')

Don't be afraid to ask questions - I don't bite, and I may inadvertently slip into British and/or Wenglish slang and totally confuse you.

Nerd Church - Are There Words?

Are there words for what happened last week in Manchester?

Maybe a few: murder; heartbreak; pain; tragedy. But none of them sum it up.

Nerd Church - A Tribute to the Father of the Nation

It's likely that, unless you're Welsh or have noticed the name on my Twitter feed over the last few days, you don't know the name Rhodri Morgan.

If you do, perhaps you think of a mop of white hair and a whirlwind of energy.

Or maybe you think of some of his famous one-liners, the things he said that make Boris Johnson look positively shy in comparison.

Rhodri Morgan was the second First Minister of Wales.

The First Minister leads the Welsh government. We have only ever had three: Alun Michael, Rhodri Morgan, and our current leader, Carwyn Jones.

He passed away on Wednesday (16th May,) at the age of 77.

Nerd Church - Mental Health 101

(Warning: This post discusses mental health problems and stigma.)


Mental Health Awareness Week is 8-14th May in the UK.

Let's take things back to the basics.

To people who have never had mental health problems, it can be all too easy to believe misconceptions.

The worst of these are stigmatising:

The ideas that people with mental health problems are weak, faking it, wanting the attention, whiners etc., as well as that people with mental health problems are inherently dangerous, or to blame for their conditions.

Nerd Church - It's Nearly Eurovision Time!

Okay, it's a gay* cliché, but I love Eurovision!

The final is next Saturday (13th May) - I'm probably going to record it though, because that way I can skip through the awkward voting satellite link-ups that take waaaay too long!

Honestly though, I'm totally looking forward to the big, shiny, glittery, spectacle that is the biggest show on Earth!

*I'm using gay as an umbrella term here for all LGBTQ+ folks, because it fit better in that sentence!

Nerd Church - 14 Totally Awesome Exam-Taking Tips They Don't Tell You At School!

(Warning: this post contains jerky-moving/not-smooth-moving gifs which may affect people with high photosensitivity.)


My nerdlets! For many of you it's exam time! Let me help you!

It may shock you to learn this, but once I was a wee exam-taking nerdlet. And I used to beat the sh** out of exams 😎

...but they also used to stress me out. Which is NOT. GOOD. You won't do as well if you stress, trust me.

Then there's the things no-one talks about... the things that teachers don't seem to think are worth mentioning.

Maybe it's because they can't remember their exam-days, or their exams went really smoothly, who knows?

Whatever the case, your teachers don't tell you these things. But I will.

Nerd Church - Millennials Aren't Lazy (Everyone Else, On The Other Hand...)

Millennials have to take a lot of sh** from older people.

We're constantly being told we're 'soft,' we're 'whiners,' and we're 'lazy.'

None of that is true. We are no more or less soft, lazy, or whiny, than any other generation there has ever been.

What we are is jaded and cynical.

I hate to admit it, but it's the truth. Maybe that's just because we see things a little clearer than older generations, who knows?

We see that things aren't fair - and we aren't afraid to f**king say it.

Nerd Church - Disability Is Not Ugly

There's a new TV programme coming on in the UK, Katie Piper's Face to Face, which takes people with skin conditions and shows them how to cover it with make-up.

On an individual basis, I have absolutely no problem if you want to wear make-up. Whatever you want or need to feel like you is fine by me.

The problem I have is not with the participants on the show, it's with this habit reality TV has of placing disabled people in the 'ugly' or 'Other' box.

Shows like Katie Piper's Face to Face, Too Ugly For Love, The Undateables, or Embarrassing Bodies are sending the message that disability means you are wrong.

They're saying that you should somehow be ashamed or embarrassed of who you are, and how you look.

Nerd Church - Brexit: What the Actual F**k?

The wheels of Brexit have turned further.

And I'm angry. Yes, downright angry. Because my future - our futures - have been ripped away from us.

I think I'm as angry now as when the referendum results first came through.

Seriously. Because not only is this country going ahead with this f**king stupidity, but people are still insisting that it's a good thing.

Nerd Church - What Should I Talk About?

I didn't know what to write about this week. I mean, there's so much going on, and it's so difficult to find the words to talk about any of it.

Nerd Church - Planet Earth is Blue...

We're f**king up the world my dear nerdlets. Sorry to be all doom and gloom, but it's the truth.

The fact is, our impact on the environment is not OK. And we need to show the powers-that-be (whoever they may be) that we want action on climate change.

Climate Change, unlike what a certain orange politician will tell you, is very real.

And we millennials? We're gonna be the ones who face the consequences.

We need to show that it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And that we believe in evidence, science, and actually taking some f**king responsibility every now and then.

Nerd Church - Eff Off FOMO

You know what I'm sick to death of? People trying to make others guilty for not having seen this film, or read that book.

The effect it has on you is called FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out. And, as a concept, it's stupid as all hell.

Guess what? There are many centuries' worth of popular (and niche) culture to consume. No one has time to get through it all.

Nerd Church - Dear Toxic Masculinity: We Need To Talk

(Warning: this post contains fast-moving and jerky/not-smooth-moving gifs which may cause problems for people with photosensitive conditions such as migraine or epilepsy.)



Dear Toxic Masculinity (including mansplaining and general overly-macho culture):

We need to talk. You need to listen.

Maybe we should've sat you down before now, but in our defence, you tend to get a bit... shout-y, stab-y, and murder-y, whenever we try.

You also have a habit of throwing things; and we don't like getting hit by those things.





But we can't just let you carry on your merry way as if that's ok. It would be - but you keep f**king with everyone else's day, and we kind of don't want you to.

So how about this? You don't have to be the best, the strongest, or the most aggressive. It just makes you come across as a douche.

You certainly don't have to mark yourself out on a 'manly' scale. We believe you're a dude. Honestly. There's no need to prove it.








Dear Toxic Masculinity: stop mansplaining.



When you feel like mansplaining things to me, it's often because you've assumed my opinion must be based on misunderstanding.

I'm smart. Ok? Many women (and other non-males) are. Men don't have the monopoly on brains.

via GIPHY

So, when you feel the need to explain politics or book plots to me? 9 times out of 10, I already get it. I just disagree with you. Because I have my own opinions.

And when I talk to you condescendingly, you get pi**ed off. And that's hysterical. Because dude, THAT IS WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME.

Just because I disagree with you, doesn't mean I'm stupid.






This is most apparent when it comes to politics. Young ladies don't know a thing about politics, do they?

Well, f**k that b**lsh** my dears.

I can easily wrap my head around things like equality, devolution, the European Union, and the constitution.








Dear Toxic Masculinity: get over yourself.



No-one's going to force you to be feminine, or wear make-up, or kiss boys.

You can do all that stuff if you want to - but we're not going to force you.

It's your narrow view of the world that is being pushed on everyone else.










Dear Toxic Masculinity: stop burying your head in the sand.




You see problems like rape culture and far-right extremism, and pretend it's not your fault.

No honey, it is.

If you hadn't raised your sons to see women as objects, to see themselves as superior, to be aggressive in order to be 'manly' enough for you, the problem wouldn't be anywhere near as large as it is. And bigger isn't better.

via GIPHY

Dear Toxic Masculinity: feminism is needed.

'Feminism is needed.'    Click to Tweet.

Stop telling us to be grateful. Stop telling us we need to be better in order to match up to you. Stop having to be reminded of female relatives when you need to see women as people.

Get your own sh** in order. Because women have to work double to get half the credit.

And that counts even more so for queer women, women of colour, disabled women, etc.

via GIPHY

Dear Toxic Masculinity: stop disbelieving the truth.




You want an example of sexism in the 21st Century?

I have been told I can't review comics because I'm a woman.

I have had rape threats from trolls.

I have been groped by wandering hands, and leered at in the street.




You want an example of sexism in the 21st Century?

Look up feminism on Twitter, and watch the trolls. They are vile.




You want an example of sexism in the 21st Century?

The USA has Donald Trump - a man who brags about sexual assault, makes sexist comments constantly, and has had rape allegations against him - as its president.

The far more qualified woman who stood against him was summarily belittled and discriminated against.

WHETHER YOU AGREE WITH HER POLITICS OR NOT, HILLARY CLINTON WAS MORE QUALIFIED THAN TRUMP.








Dear Toxic Masculinity: just listen for once.



I know it's not your strong point, but in running head-first into danger, you are dragging us all with you. You are hurting us. You are killing us.

Dear Toxic Masculinity: we don't make this stuff up for fun.



Accept that your way of life is not the only way. Accept that you don't have to be a douche.

Accept that other people have the same rights as you.

Accept there's more than one way to be a man. Accept that female doesn't mean lesser.

'Accept that female doesn't mean lesser.'  Click to Tweet

And maybe there'll be hope for you after all.

Like this post? Try these:

• Nerd Church - SHE is NOT on trial here!
• Nerd Church - Rebel Valentine
• Nerd Church - The Age of Media
• Nerd Church - Transgender People, and Public Toilets

Nerd Church - Transgender People, and Public Toilets

(Warning: This post deals with rape and sexual assault statistics, and transphobia.)



You've likely heard by now that the fool currently in charge of the US has rescinded Obama's guidance on transgender bathrooms.

Maybe you hadn't heard. In which case you might want to go read some stuff and catch up. Go on, go ahead, I'll wait.

Let's be honest - this is a vindictive move to put transgender people (especially kids) in danger, from a biased and malicious administration.

Why? Let me explain:

• By saying transgender people can't use their preferred public loos, you're saying transgender people are not 'real' men, women, or non-binary people. Which is a) bigoted, and b) inaccurate. #CallThemAsISeeThem

• You're saying transgender people - especially transgender women - are an inherent threat to cisgender women, and/or are in some way corrupted. They are not.

• You're forcing people who would not feel comfortable in a men's loos, to go in, wearing female clothing. There is a high chance of them getting beaten up - or worse. And yes, it happens.

• You're forcing people to out themselves before they're ready, or in a situation which may be unsafe.

But what about the chance of sexual assault in the women's loos?

OK, I'm going to break this down nice and slow.

Because the point here isn't really about assault, it's about rights, but if you want me to deal with this nonsense I will:

• Transgender people are at higher risk of sexual violence in the US than cisgender people (that's with the crime being perpetrated against them.)

• 5-9% of transgender sexual assault survivors in the US were assaulted by police officers - people who are supposed to protect them.

• 98% of rape against college women in the USA is perpetrated by men (not transgender women; TRANSGENDER WOMEN ARE WOMEN.)

• 7/10 rapes in the US are committed by someone who knows the victim, rather than a stranger.

• 50% of rape in the US is committed by people aged 30+, rather than teens or other young people.

• 57% of rape in the US is committed by white people.

Of course a rapist can be anyone - but that's just it, A RAPIST CAN BE ANYONE. You are no more or less safe in the public toilets than you are out of them.

Statistically, a rapist, or perpetrator of sexual assault, in the USA, is most likely to be a cisgender white man, over the age of 30, who is known to the victim.

Transgender people are at higher risk of sexual assault than cisgender women.

Support transgender people, vocally, loudly. Help to protect them, because forcing them to use the loos of their birth-assigned gender is NOT RIGHT.

And it's putting more people in danger than it's helping.

'Support transgender people, vocally, loudly'   Click to Tweet

On board with this post? Check out some of these:

• Nerd Church - We Are Strong
• Nerd Church - A Nazi Is A Nazi
• Friday Fics Fix - Loki's Heart
• 5 Simple Rules For Reading and Reviewing LGBTQ+ Books

Nerd Church - It's All About The Money

Let's talk money, shall we?

With prices climbing, and incomes not doing the same, (plus an unstable global political climate, which often has a knock-on economic effect,) we need to be able to talk openly about all that awkward financial stuff.

Regular readers of DORA might be aware that I am regularly broke.

Don't get me wrong - thanks to the kindness and support of my parents,  and the country and time period I live in, I have a comfortable life that has plenty of privileges.

But I'm very much dependant on my parents. And in my 20s, with retired parents, that's not a position I thought I'd be in.

I work for myself, and if I ever get an additional part-time or temporary job, I'd need it to be the right fit for me because of my mental health problems. Money's nice, but being alive is a priority.

So when it comes to supporting all of the amazing and wonderful causes and creative people out there, I have to say 'no' time and time again.

And that feels bad. Because I would love to be able to give £5 to Cause A and £5 to Person B, but I know that I can't afford to. I donate and/or support when and where I can, and no more.

And I have to somehow convince myself that I have no need to feel guilty - that I have to come first, because otherwise I can't help anyone else.

via GIPHY

So why, if my parents are supporting me, don't I have more spare cash?

Well, I'm saving - or trying to, it's not easy with business expenses, family/friends' birthdays, and low interest rates.

I'd like a house at some point in the future. And enough income to pay the bills for it. I'd also like to do a degree (probably with something like the Open University.)

I'd like to not feel like a burden on my parents, who've already had to help my brother get on his feet.

Basically - I'd like something that's mine. I'd like a future. 

And I know I'm not alone in that - it's a problem that we millennials are looked down on for, and it's a problem that's NOT of our own making.

And I know how tough it is to make money in today's world...

(...particularly when affiliate agreements may or may not have a clause that prevents you from coming straight out and saying 'please use my links to buy things.')

And even monetising your blog is difficult enough - especially if you're not so good with maths.

I'm currently looking into adding ads to DORA, but business things like that leave me totally baffled (thank you suspected dyscalculia,) which means I have to spend more time going through things and trying to understand them than other people do.

Some people think that any monetising of blogs is somehow dishonest. I sure as hell don't.

If you're a blogger, monetise as much as you want to. Because you deserve it.

If you find you've got enough cash to go around? Go ahead and support other creative people and/or causes with it. Because they need it too.

via GIPHY

What am I trying to say in this post, exactly? I'm trying to say that it's ok.

It's ok to have to lean on others - no matter how uncomfortable it may feel; if you need it, then you need it.

It's ok to not be able to help and support other people when you want to - just do what you can, when you can.

• Buy a book by an author from a marginalised group, for example, instead of that bestseller.

• Drop some change in the charity box by the supermarket till.

• Buy the Big Issue (or whatever your local street newspaper is) instead of a gossip magazine

• Do the free stuff - bring traffic to the websites of deserving people and/or causes, promote them online, etc.

And most of all, never feel guilty for having to put your health - mental or physical - first. You've got to have something left to give.





Like this post? Here's some more!:

• Nerd Church - Millennials Are Gonna Get There... Somehow
• A Rough Guide To Supporting Authors When You're Broke
• Nerd Church - Rebel Valentine
• Nerd Church - The Age of Media